Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)

Pinhead trades existential dread for cheesy one-liners and viewers trade 97 minutes of their lives for a nap. A true hell on earth.

The Sheikh’s Captive American by Leslie North

Here’s another story of a white hero role-playing some Middle Eastern dude… and doing it in a most boring manner.

Anacondas: Trail of Blood slithers into absurdity with rubbery CGI, laughable acting, and nonsensical plot.

Maybe-incest, pox, and a hero named Cockburn… Virginia Henley’s Wild Hearts is a clunky bodice-ripper that’s so bad, it’s almost good.

Puzzle boxes meet psychiatry in a sequel that is as necessary as sunscreen in the underworld.

With This Ring breaks Amanda Quick’s “A” title trend but not her formula.

Working-class leads intrigue yet rushed romance and weak mystery disappoint.

Ancient Zamar meets modern tedium in a romance that’s more mishap than mischief.

Medieval romance meets geological obsession in a crystal-clear case of literary ennui.

Ah, the author comes closest to recapturing her old magic, this time.