Main cast: Madelyn Cline (Danica Richards), Chase Sui Wonders (Ava Brucks), Jonah Hauer-King (Milo Griffin), Tyriq Withers (Teddy Spencer), Sarah Pidgeon (Stevie Ward), Billy Campbell (Grant Spencer), Sarah Michelle Gellar (Helen Shivers), Freddie Prinze Jr (Ray Bronson), and Jennifer Love Hewitt (Julie James)
Director: Jennifer Kaytin Robinson

That’s right, folks! The latest installment in the I Know What You Did Last Summer franchise has the exact same name as the first movie from 1997. Is anyone confused?

This must be some galaxy-brain 4D marketing genius tactic from Sony Pictures — you know, the studio that also brought you Madame Web and Morbius. Truly, these are the minds that will lead cinema into the future… oh wait, the movie bombed harder than a lead balloon filled with more lead. Maybe they should have called it Nobody Cared What You Did Last Summer.

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer v2: Electric Boogaloo follows the second movie while conveniently memory-holing that weird third direct-to-video movie that approximately seven people saw — and five of them were the cast’s immediate family. Clearly, someone at Sony watched the never-ending Scream franchise make a billion dollars and thought, “Wouldn’t it be cool if we brought back Julie James from the first two movies as the Gale Weathers-type and passed the torch of ‘being victims of a serial killer’ to some plucky young cast?”

So yes, this movie slavishly follows the playbook of the last few Scream movies: same plot, but with just enough variations to technically qualify as “new” in the way that off-brand cereal technically qualifies as “food”.

We open with a bunch of teenagers driving recklessly and causing someone’s death. The Ryan Phillippe character stand-in (but significantly less hot, which feels like a crime in itself) insists on covering up the potential vehicular manslaughter with help from his slimy politician daddy.

Next thing you know, the gang gets picked off one by one by the Fisherman — yes, that’s his official name now. The Fisherman. A name that strikes terror into the hearts of… absolutely no one. It sounds like a guy who gives boat tours and tells dad jokes. “What do you call a fish with no eyes? FSH! Now let me murder you with this hook.”

The main Final Girl is — shocking twist — the one who didn’t want to cover up the crime because she’s such a goody-two-shoes. Just like the first movie too!

Julie James shows up periodically to remind viewers that this is definitely a sequel, not a reboot even though it has the same name as the first movie. Freddie Prinze Jr returns as Ray, now Julie’s ex-husband, because apparently even surviving multiple murder sprees can’t save a marriage. The real mystery is why they broke up — was it the trauma? The PTSD? Or did Ray leave the toilet seat up one too many times?

Brandy Norwood wisely negotiated a cameo instead of actually being in the full movie, which suggests her agent is much smarter than everyone else’s agents combined.

The movie’s biggest sin isn’t that it’s bad. It’s that it rehashes the first movie so blatantly that it feels like watching someone’s fan film shot-for-shot remake. One of the kills literally mirrors the death of Sarah Michelle Gellar’s character from the original. Sorry for not remembering her character’s actual name, but let’s be honest, who does? 

If THAT wasn’t on-the-nose enough, Ms Gellar herself actually shows up afterward as a hallucination, like the Ghost of Franchise Past, here to remind you: “Remember me? Remember when this franchise was sort of relevant? Wasn’t that nice?”

Still, up until this point, the movie is… fine? Adequate? It’s serviceable background noise for when you have nothing better to do and your phone is charging in another room. It won’t change your life, but it won’t actively make it worse. It’s the LaCroix of horror movies—technically it’s there, but you’re not entirely sure why.

And then.

Oh, and then.

The identity of the Fisherman is revealed, and it makes zero sense. The motivation is ridiculous and worst of all, it actively ruins anyone’s fond memories of the first two movies, which is an impressive feat considering this movie spent 90% of its runtime desperately trying to remind the audience that those movies existed.

But wait, there’s more! Because apparently, we haven’t suffered enough, characters who are supposed to be dead turn out to be alive, thus setting up Julie, Brandy’s character, and the aggressively bland Final Girls to team up in a sequel and hunt these unkillable villains like it’s a Scooby-Doo episode but with more trauma.

Of course, considering this movie bombed at the box office, a sequel is about as likely as Sony greenlighting a Morbius 2 (wait, don’t give them ideas). Unless Sony gets really desperate — and let’s be honest, they’re always one quarterly earnings call away from desperation — this franchise is dead. Again.

All in all, this I Know What You Did Last Summer is what happens when a studio mistakes brand recognition for audience interest. It’s a movie that simultaneously wants you to remember the originals while also making you wish you could forget them. It’s safe, predictable, and about as scary as a strongly worded email.

That stupid twist is the cherry on top of this mediocrity sundae — the thing that transforms “Eh, it’s okay” into “Why did I waste my time on this?”