Cricket Starr, $3.99, ISBN 978-0985999452
Paranormal Romance, 2013 (Reissue)

Based on the copyright date, Cricket Starr’s Violet among the Roses was first published in 2003. I’m not familiar with the publication history of this story, however, and this is the first time I am reading this one, so I’m not sure whether it had been revised or rewritten in any way for the reissue.

Anyway, imagine that the statues in public places are actually sentient and they can see what you are doing. That’s right, you think it’s safe to pee at the feet of some statue because no one is watching? Well, the statue is watching.

Okay, the statue in question is that of Narcissus, and he’s all hot, so that’s okay. If Freddy Kreuger looked like Henry Cavill, A Nightmare on Elm Street would have been a romantic drama. At any rate, Narky here takes pity on a woman that had been weeping near him. She’s hot, of course. I wonder he’d care if she had been dumpy. At any rate, he summons Aphrodite and tells her that this poor woman, Violet Smith, has issues.

“Her family is gone, her cat dead, her boyfriend dumped her, and last week she lost her job. Yes…she’s upset.”

Naturally, he asks to be made human temporarily so that he can give her the pity pee-pee she needs to feel happy again. I wish I am kidding, but yes, he tells Aphrodite that he should be allowed to learn lessons about physical and emotional love with Violet. What, and then after ravishing this emotionally off-kilter woman and then dumping her, she’s going to be “cured”? Mind you, this guy as a human ends up being bizarrely clueless about normal human behavior, despite having seen what people do and say for 3,000 years, so it’s not like he’s some hot, charismatic guy that comes sweeping into Violet’s life with diamonds and what not. No, on top on being a weeping willow, she also has to mother him around town.

At this point, I am really starting to question the notion that romance stories are meant to channel someone’s romantic desires. How is this romantic? It all seems like a lot of bother just to get good sex. A battery-operated boyfriend will be less of a hassle at this rate.

This story takes place over a short period of time, and most of the time spent is on either doing naughty things or Violet helping Nick adjust to being human. Naturally, the “romance” is even more shallow than a dried-up puddle. The eye-rolling notion that a woman only needs a good rogering to get over her emotional issues is just icing on the cake. Oh, and she ends up pregnant with his kid, and they have sex in a scene interspersed with PSA about how to have sex safely when a woman is in her third trimester.

Yes, a battery-operated boyfriend would have been a better alternative, all things considered.