Main cast: Sophie Craig (Maid Marian), Jennifer Matter (Prioress Elizabeth), Dominic Andersen (Robin Hood), Lainy Boyle (Sister Agnes), Bob Cryer (The Sheriff of Nottingham), James Groom (King John), Danny Husbands (Baron William De Lech), and Adam Benwell (Guy of Guisborne)
Director: Bill Thomas
Remember how in those Robin Hood movies, they always ended with King Richard coming back to pat Robin and Marian in the heads for showing everyone what a corrupt weenie the Sheriff of Nottingham is?
Well, The Adventures of Maid Marian is all about what happens next, when Robin is called by King Richard back to the Holy Land to kill more Muslims, leaving Marian to hold the fort on her own. Because Prince John is still around and the useless King is more preoccupied with glory in the Holy Land, Marian is forced to go into hiding.
Three years later, words comes that the King Richard has found his final glory in the embrace of gangrene, and voila, Johnny Boy is now the king. Still, Robin is finally coming back, and Marian is ready to meet him… until they realize too late that King John and the resurfaced Sheriff of Nottingham have been waiting for this moment to plot their revenge. The Sheriff ambushes these two with his men, and Robin is badly injured.
Oh no, will he die, just like in those stories?
Don’t worry, this one doesn’t go into gloomy stuff in the stories, like Robin actually biting it and what not—a happy ending is assured, people.
Alright, I have bad news, so brace yourselves, everyone: James Groom does not get near-naked here. In fact, he’s only in a few scenes, and since he’s fully clothed, there’s nothing to appreciate anymore in those scenes.
Actually, nobody gets naked here. If anything, this movie is too shiny, too bright, and too clean to be believable. Perhaps they had been warned by the store from which they rented the clothes and props from that any dirt on them would incur extra fees or something, but everything here is just so… new. The huts in the forest look as clean as a room in a six-star hotel, nobody sweats after running through the woods, and nobody’s clothes get dirty either.
Marian sports impeccable make-up and hair at all times, and even when she stabs people, the blade remains clean from blood and nothing gets stained by unsightly fluids or dirt or whatever.
I don’t know why is this? I know the film has very limited budget, judging from how this movie takes place in only a handful of places with minimal set pieces, but what happened? They couldn’t afford to launder anything that gets dirty? They have only one of each prop and they can’t afford to risk dirtying or damaging them?
At any rate, this movie has a rather Medieval Fair-feel to it, something that I can watch as part of the evening theatrics or something, only this one is, of course, much longer than a typical reenactment.
The acting isn’t much to shout about either, and everyone seems to be in the film for the free food and drinks or something. There is a lethargic quality to the characters’ actions on screen. Everyone and everything is clean, and the cast members all behave like they are on some kind of drugs that keep them from emoting too much… hmm, what is happening behind the scenes here? I suspect that story would be far more interesting than the one presented here!
Yes, this is a pretty standard story with the heroine being apparently indestructible and all-capable because she is a female character and hence is uber perfect (and subsequently, boring) by default. Robin sustains severe injuries that could have toppled down an army of elephants, but don’t worry, he’s okay.
Predictably enough, all the good guys mill around to help Marian for her showdown with the Sheriff, and she wins without breaking a sweat. Yes, literally—her sword is still pristine after ramming it through the Sheriff’s guts and her clothes and hair remain impeccable. Now that’s girl power!
Perhaps with proper meals, laundry, or whatever on set, this movie may resemble a generic but still watchable action film. As it is, though, this one feels more like a cheaply made throwaway aimed at streaming services desperate for something, anything to fill their catalogs.
