Stephanie Andrassy, $3.99
Paranormal Romance, 2013
Just Live, Juliette! is the first full-length entry in Stephanie Andrassy’s Home series, and the series cover six people that have chosen to die before they turn 30, although they can’t recall why they would do such a thing. The whole thing sounds like the premise of a cheap and terrible Blumhouse franchise, which is probably which I am intrigued enough to pick this one up in the first place.
In this one, Juliette is… uh… well, she meets a guy named Miles, and that’s after she moves over to visit her parents, and… uh…
I’ve seen one reader describe this story as a journey, and in a way, I agree, because for a long time, I have no idea where the author is going with this story, and I just decide to just stay on the bus, so to speak, and see if I end up at somewhere interesting. I am not kidding; the synopsis is pretty coherent, but once I actually begin the reading, it’s nothing but overly detailed descriptions right down to the minutiae of what the character is doing or saying. This kind of thing may be interesting if Juliette had been, say, a serial killer, an assassin, a circus clown, or anything else with a daily blow-by-blow journal-style narration that will be fun to read. No, I have to read about her going here, talking to this person, then she going somewhere else to do something else. Oh look, she leaves someone a note! What happens after that? Nothing, as it’s a mundane note that leads to nothing of consequence, and yet, the author believes in devoting words to describe that moment.
At one point, Juliette reminiscences that the day before was boring, and I can only think, “Oh yes, girl! I read the whole thing!”
Oh, and before anyone asks, no, there is nothing scary or frightening here… much to my dismay, actually, as a few dead bodies would have livened things up. This is an old-school paranormal romance in the sense that it’s more about destiny or fate or whatever bending to allow love to be found and to thrive. There are no vampires, werewolves, or whatever that is currently horny and in vogue in fantasy romance these days, which is doubly impressive considering that this one came out exactly when the fantasy romance genre is being dry humped to death by these furry, fanged, and scaly horny cretins.
It’s simply a shame that this story suffers from way too much telling and minimal showing, made worse by the fact that it’s constantly telling me the most boring things ever. Just Live, Juliette! is, for way too long, practically a diary of an ordinary person, and believe me, this is a very, very long story. The boredom is, therefore, borderline interminable. Perhaps this won’t be so bad if I was reading this at a busy airport or something, but I’m cooped up at home, in an apartment block that is semi-quarantined at the moment because someone was tested positive with COVID-19. I’m very bored, and reading this boring story only causes my life to flash before my eyes, making me wonder why I’m not doing something more interesting with my time.
