Main cast: Ryan Reynolds (Michael Bryce), Samuel L Jackson (Darius Kincaid), Salma Hayek (Sonia Kincaid), Frank Grillo (Bobby O’Neill), Antonio Banderas (Aristotle Papadopoulos), Richard E Grant (Mr Seifert), Tom Hopper (Magnusson), and Morgan Freeman (Michael Bryce Sr)
Director: Patrick Hughes
The obvious sequel to The Hitman’s Bodyguard, obviously, Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard is a bit of a misnomer as the actual plot has little to do with our bodyguard Michael Bryce protecting his hitman frenemy Darius Kincaid’s wife Sonia. If anything, after the events of the previous movie, Michael is still trying to get his license back so that he can resume being a bodyguard while haunted by dreams of Darius ruining his life in many ways. Tired of having to attend to Michael and listening to his increasingly violent dreams, his shrink convinces him to go on a sabbatical, avoid violence, and find himself.
Well, it is not even a full day of Michael’s new beginning when Sonia drags him along to rescue Darius, who is apparently kidnapped by some crime gang. Unfortunately, she misunderstood Darius: he called out to her to seek help from anyone but Michael, and she misheard that he asked her to locate Michael, heh. Michael basically just trailed along Sonia as she cheerfully murders all that stand in her way to Darius, hence he is not happy when the three of them end up captured and brought to Bobby O’Neill, an unhappy Interpol agent that just wants to be transferred back to the US. You see, Sonia and Darius killed his informant that he is hoping would be his ticket back to America, and now he wants them to commit a transaction with Greek tycoon Aristotle Papadopoulos in the dead man’s place.
Aristotle is an unhappy fellow that only wants Greece to become the center of greatness in Europe again, and he wants to take out the EU, as the EU is imposing sanctions against Greece due to the economic instability of that country. He seeks to purchase a device that can destroy the European power infrastructure, and our unlikely trio is now poised to save all of EU from the plot of that crazy villain.
I have to say, Ryan Reynolds is actually getting more attractive with age. What, did I just embarrass myself beyond belief by saying that? Seriously, looking at him is how I manage to sit through this movie to the very end, because my goodness, the people that scripted this movie were operating on the principle that the louder and more frequent the three lead actors scream at one another, the more I will laugh. That doesn’t work, as I end up often sighing and fidgeting uncomfortably in my seat as these characters compete to see which one among them will be the most grating, irritating, stupid of them all. I am not laughing at all, instead I find myself wondering how long more I have to watch these people behave like unfunny clowns before the movie comes to an end.
It’s a shame, really. On paper, the three main characters could have been interesting psychopaths on a rampage. Make no mistake, Michael tries to be a nice guy, but underneath his bumble, affable air of genial incompetence is a ruthless, non-hesitant fellow that has no problems killing someone else outright. Darius and Sonia are far more obvious homicidal maniacs, and they make a wonderfully demented kind of power couple. Unfortunately, all this movie does is to have these three main characters screech, shout, yell, and commit tedious acts of “funny” violence on one another, punctuated by the obligatory “slow or happy music playing over a scene of violence” montage.
The villains start out strong, but by the end of the movie they are just punching bags for the main characters to react to and express violence on. Again, what a waste.
In the end, Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard has much potential to be great, especially with a cast that is capable to deliver comedy and stylized violence with ease. How sad that the script ends up being more of a miss than a hit.
