Ballantine, $7.99, ISBN 978-0-345-51889-7
Historical Romance, 2010
Don’t Cry For Me, Lily Chatwick
by Julian Bellamy
It won’t be easy
You’ll think it strange
When I try to explain how I feel
I poked a harlot on the night
Your sainted brother was done in
I won’t stop whining
I’ll cop a feel
And got you all hot and bothered
But I’ll then abandon you
‘Cause I don’t deserve you
That’s how noble I am
I have so much guilt
It powers my erection
Couldn’t commit to you after all
Moping about your brother
Bellyaching about your hooters
So I choose to be noble
Find a guy to take my sloppy seconds
And give you the life you deserve
I’m such a selfless hero
Don’t cry for me Lily dearest
I’d probably ditch you soonest
Still I didn’t think of use
Protection on you
But does it matter
I just wanna be a martyr
And as for your brother and as for him
I love him in a non-homosexual way
Though it seemed to the world
He’s the one I really desire
I’m heterosexual
Remember that girl
When I’ve ditched you morning after
I’m a tragic emo hero
With a big nine-inch phallus of gold
Don’t cry for me Lily dearest
Don’t cry for me Lily dearest
The truth is you’re too good for me
You read me correctly
You scold me accurately
So I don’t why
You keep loving me
Have I said too much
There’s plenty more I can think of to whine to you
I’m rich healthy and beloved
But I’m still a sad emo boy
Don’t cry for me Lily dearest…
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