Main cast: Darren McGavin (Hubert), Beeson Carroll (Roger Darcy), and Laurie Kennedy (Lucille Clay)
Director: Gerald Cotts

There is a new art gallery in town, Barn Gallery, and Lucille Clay spots something sinister about the works displayed there.

You see, the works are of various folks, made from clay or something, in some kind of terrified pose, and she spots the face of a boy that is similar to that on a missing poster at the police station. She also spots one that resembles the missing daughter of a friend, Roger Darcy.

The two of them confront the self-professed manager of the place, the asthmatic and doddering old fool Hubert, about this artist, one Viva Kenanda. Hubert says that he’s only been on the job for five weeks, so he doesn’t know anything, and then proceeds to send Roger and Lucille on a wild goose chase.

What is happening here? Does the artist have a creepy dark secret? Well, this is a Monsters show, so this one isn’t going to end with Roger discovering that her daughter had gone to visit a friend and he’d just forgotten about that, that’s for sure.

Portrait of the Artist is saved by the late, great Darren McGavin, who steals all his scenes as the cantankerous but cunning Hubert. Beeson Carroll and Laurie Kennedy, however, are just sort of walking around like this is just a paycheck gig for them and they can’t wait to be done with the whole thing, and as a result, the episode falls flat as the good guys are so emotionless.

Worse, the script has those two behave like complete idiots, so it’s hard to root for them.

Worst of all, the episode eventually stops making sense halfway in and just starts hamming things up until the ass-pull of a twist comes out of nowhere and slaps me in the face.

The whole thing has a solid idea, but perhaps it would cost too much money to go on with the actual, original idea, so these people ended up just making things up to keep things within their minuscule budget, even if these things make no freaking sense. I don’t know, but this seems like the likeliest answer as to how this episodes loses the plot so quickly and goes bonkers in all the wrong ways.

Darren McGavin can only do so much to keep things watchable, sadly.