Main cast: Kristin Noel McKusick (Blair Winthorpe), Margaux Némé (Nancy), Alexis Adams (Tiffany), Dora Deceuninck (Dora), Jenifer Marvick (Kelly), Destiny Faith Nelson (Jasmine), Crystal Stoney (Britney), Nick Byer (Clay), Paul Card (Ralph), Jimmy Grosse (Danny), Mark Justice (Troy), Trevor Layne (Chet), Drew Marvick (Blaine Winthorpe), John Molinaro (Mr Winthorpe), and Sally Burnswello (Mrs Winthorpe)
Director: Drew Marvick
While the movie poster suggests that this movie would feature zombies in bikini, people who’re into this particular aspect of Rule 34 will be disappointed as Pool Party Massacre is a straight up slasher flick. It’s also a slasher comedy with a pretty short run time, and the running time isn’t a bad thing in this instance considering how this one turned out to be!
The plot is basically a set-up for a no-brainer slasher marathon. Blair Winthorpe’s parents are going away for a while, so she invites the other cool kids that she barely likes to her parents’ mansion for a pool party. Also there is Nancy, who is neither cool nor rich – the only reason she is here is because, from way back, the Winthorpes basically took her in and they even see her as a good influence for Blair. The party has barely heated up when the killing spree begins.
It’s pretty obvious who the final girl will be, and everyone here is at least two degrees of obnoxious. The few guys that randomly show up are annoying, the girls are basic mean bitches, and the whole thing takes place in a single setting. The tight budget for this movie is pretty obvious, and the resulting shortcomings are even more obvious. Still, some of the death scenes are pretty imaginative, which makes up for the lamentable effects.
Fortunately, the people behind this movie are aware of laughably terrible death scenes, so they take pains to give viewers close-up views of heaving bosoms both barely clad or unclad as a means of distraction. Alas, for those who prefer to look at male meat, this movie follows the straight porn formula: the men are not the things you want to voluntarily lay eyes on, clothed or not.
Normally, with a movie being like this, it resorting to comedy may be a lazy way to excuse its own shortcomings, but here, Pool Party Massacre can be genuinely funny at times, especially during the denouement. Sure, the humor is basic to the core, with cheap shots taken at slutty bimbo types, but the cast’s delivery nails the punchlines most of the time. Seriously, the acting is abysmal at times, but there are some entertaining chuckles to be had here and there. The running joke of these silly things having working cell phones but somehow never thinking to directly call the cops never gets old.
Oh, and the killer is easily the most adorable thing in this movie. The same can’t be said of Nancy, who is played by an actress who seems incapable of mastering basic horror comedy nuances like timing and delivery.
Is Pool Party Massacre is a good slasher flick? Oh no, not in a million years. However, it is aware of its own limitations and shortcomings, shamelessly ripping off more famous slasher flicks in the process, and offers humor as well as some gratuitous female skin as compensation. All things considered, both its strengths and flaws make this a pretty good B-grade shlockfest that can be safely viewed and forgotten with minimal side effects.
