Literary Road Press, $4.50, ISBN 978-1-934037-67-6
Fantasy Romance, 2009
Alright, I’m cheating again because I’m actually reading an earlier version of Amber Kell’s Mate Test, published by Literary Road Press back in 2009, but I am using the cover art of the author’s reissue because the cover art of my edition is best described as “the least said, the better”. I have to think of the image of this website too, you know—I can’t have too many dodgy art splattered around or I’d end up scaring the kids away.
This one seems to be the second entry into a series called Dragon Men, and it definitely feels like it. Having never read the previous entry, I am taken aback by the sheer number of characters that all but drown the main romantic story line. Even the setting feels off. This fantasy world has females, yes, but the main characters are males that are either looking for males to boink, or two males in a relationship looking for a female to join them. In other words, the series seems to be created from all the bestselling erotic tropes glued together in a way that screams “this is created to sell books” rather than an organic, richly drawn world.
High Duke Torrance Zelan is mourning the death of his lover, and immediately my mood is soured when this story starts pushing how Tor should get over it and wag that dragon thang around because that dead sod is not his mate. That’s right, only some biologically or whatever-ically determined “mate” is apparently worthy of having a forever with Tor. Who cares about the folks that develop feelings for and had relationships with him, right? Because they don’t somehow tickle his mate button, somehow they are not worthy of him no matter what.
Hence, Mate Test is Tor’s journey to find his mate, and the whole process is done in a way that suggests that the author really wants me to stop believing in romance. There is a “climactic” scene which sees bloke after bloke auditioning to be a mate, and the selection feels as heartwarming as that of picking a cow to be led to the abattoir to be made into beef patties. Nowhere here suggests that a happily ever after should be based on finer feelings. Rather, it’s all about somehow knowing that someone else is your mate, and that’s it.
This story, therefore, feels more like a cautionary parable about how romance is fun and all that, but after a while, a bloke best resign himself to be in a marriage, or in this case, mate-dom to some bloke or gal that is chosen for him. Of course, this one tries to pass that off as a good thing. I’m sure that would have worked if fantasy erotica were a thing in the medieval days and there were many sad boys and girls looking for succor in such stories, but in the current day and age, this one ends up being one of the least romantic things I’ve read in a while.
