Carole Mortimer, $0.99, ISBN 978-1-910597-88-0
Historical Romance, 2020

James’s Lady by Carole Mortimer tells the story of Lord James Metford, the Earl of Ipswich, who is in love with Lady Beatrix Winter.

Of course, love has to wait until he has done his thing like manfully getting back his rightful sister and reuniting with his sister. Never mind that I’m not sure why he couldn’t do this after he’s told Beatrix that they are getting married… oh, wait.

They had not spoken of it before now, and sadly, it seemed she did not feel the same love for James as he felt for her. She could not, when she had refused to become his wife.

Sadly, Beatrix isn’t a mind reader, so she has no idea that she is supposed to pine away in the sidelines until James has completed all his side-quests.

She turned down his marriage proposal before this story begins, so James is fuming. 

Okay, so she is heavily scarred in the face due to some accident, but James wants me to know that he barely noticed her scars when they first met. 

Still, as I’m sure everyone can guess by now, Beatrix didn’t turn down his marriage proposal because she has other options — she’s too busy being in hiding and wailing that her scarred face will ensure that no man in the world can ever love her.

Mind you, she goes to parties and dances with men all the time, as far as I can tell in this story, so I’m confused by this story.

• Why does James tell me that Beatrix is a recluse when the story shows her out and about, dancing in balls and all?
• Why is Beatrix whining that no one can look past her scars when she has no shortage of men wanting her attention?

I’m even more confused by how James starts acting all furious and manhandle-y at Beatrix because she dares to refuse his marriage proposal and the author frames this like a romantic thing. That kind of behavior is actually quite creepy, as it shows me that the hero handles rejection very poorly and has an unpleasant sense of entitlement as far as Beatrix is concluded.

Still, when he spanks her, Beatrix likes it, so I guess it’s love. 

And to wonder if she might fabricate a reason for James wishing to spank her again, this time with her skirts raised and her drawers down…

Mind you, this story escalates from rejection, James getting all stalker-y and manhandle-y at Beatrix because how dare she rejects him, spanking, and then she’s gagging for more — all in the space of a few pages, which makes the heroine’s whining that she will never marry James seem like a playing hard to get gambit.

Then she gets kidnapped (don’t ask), he of course rescues her, and finally, she realizes that he loves her and now she will happily put out.

Seriously, what is this? The characters behave erratically, their actions make no sense aside, and what the author says about her characters is contradicted most of the time by what I see happening on the pages. If I were mean, I’d wonder whether the author was under some happy influence when she wrote this, because these characters act like they are in an acid dream fantasia. 

Anyway, thank goodness it’s only $0.99, so the whole thing is over and done with without giving me a bad case of buyer’s remorse!