Fiction for the Soul, $2.99, ISBN 978-1301171521
Sci-fi Romance, 2020
Many people have a soft spot for Alphaville’s Forever Young—yours truly included, naturally—but if you ask me, the best song with a title of Forever Young is the one by Rod Stewart back in 1988. A song about a father’s emotions as he looks into his baby’s eyes for the first time, it has some good lines that hit the feels, backed an amazing melody.
And may you grow to be proud
Dignified and true
And do unto others
As you’d have done to you
The song has strung simple words to create a profound impact that I can relate to still, as I can still recall looking into those adorable, trusting, sneaky, manipulative baby eyes, and each time I do, it’s a part of me telling me, as natural as breathing, that I’d lay my life down for this brat without any hesitation. It’s a feeling that doesn’t come naturally to me, and when it does, it feels like my life has finally found some purpose, meaning. Sure, I’m proud of a lot of things I’ve done, but everything seems to pale in comparison to wanting to just do everything right for a child. Not because I have to, but a part of me wants to.
Wait, I’ve gone completely off course. Right, I should be talking about Lynette Ferreira’s Forever Young instead. It’s kind of boring. Can I talk about the Alphaville song instead?
Oh, alright. This one has a copyright date of 2020, which I follow in this review, but it also states that this thing was first published in 2013. What does all this mean? Is this a reprint, a revised edition, what? I don’t know; I’m just pointing this out.
This is a romance aimed at young kids. How young, again I have no idea, but the narrative is simplistic enough for everyone to follow. However, it is a romance between an 18,000-year old “boy” and a 17-year old girl on Earth, so I don’t know. Will I get arrested for reading this? Then again, this thing is marked as a “clean and wholesome” story, so maybe I don’t have to worry about the cops breaking down my door.
From an adult’s point of view, it’s really sad that Jacob has lived for 18,000 years but still thinks and acts like a teenager. He’s not from Earth, naturally; he’s from the planet Arius, where it is forbidden to love and shag, sorry kids, I mean to say “procreate” freely. Maybe that’s why he seems to be emotionally stunted at the teenage stage. Remember, kids, sex is a wonderful and essential part of growing up, so make sure you do it sober and clear-headed so that you can enjoy every second of the three-minute experience. If it remains terrible after a few tries, then feel free to get drunk or high first before trying again.
He’s on Earth on a mission to save Arius, by locating one Amy Trotter and “begin the harvest”. Not that way, of course, because remember, this is a story meant for young kids.
Anyway, this story is pretty familiar, even with the 18,000-year old space alien angle.
Amy is the loner in school because other girls find her sullen and boys are scared that she’d turn them away—in other words, she’s not like other girls, people.
Jacob is the new kid in her school, and he’s so cute that she just has to snarl at him the first time they make contact. Of course, he finds that attitude adorable, because people, remember: she’s really not like other girls, alright. She’s special. She’s you, the reader that yearns to be more amazing than every prettier, hotter girl in school while winning the heart of a hot guy that can see the real her like no one else could.
There is a nicer girl here that treats Jacob like a human being, but you know how boys are with toys they can’t have. Throughout this story, Amy acts like some prickly hedgehog stricken with hemorrhoids, while the story acts like she is unfairly isolated by other kids because surely it can’t be her behavior that makes her a friendless kumquat. Jacob does his usual fish out of water act—wow, kids are free to kiss and make out here, amazing—but his brainpower keeps running on empty because he’s holding out for that friendless kumquat when there are more enjoyable options for a terrific loss of virginity experience.
The whole thing ends on a cliffhanger, but meh, I don’t feel enthused to read the next entry. The two main characters feel too much like young adult romance archetypes created in the most by the numbers manner possible, and so much of this story feels like tropes served up without any cursory warm-over. Because this one feels too much like it’s trying to emulate more successful teen soap operas out there, the end impression I get is that there are indeed far more superior teen soap operas out there—more reasons to read them instead.
