Menura Press, $0.99, ISBN 978-1370123094
Sci-fi Romance, 2016
Maybe I should have experimented more in college. Everyone has a Blue Boy at one point. The Fremm, tall, blue warrior aliens, were a box every girl needed to check off the Youthful Indiscretion list, like a girl on girl kiss or recreational drug use. Everyone did it.
Everyone but me.
Blue Boys, huh? I’m sure some people are already thinking of certain jokes involving intimate parts of these men that are blue. Now that I think of it, are blue-skinned guys sexy? More importantly, can I bring myself to get intimate with a blue-colored pee-pee?
Clearly, I’m far worse than our heroine Evie here when it comes to broadening the horizons of my glorious honey pot.
Our heroine is a chef, and one day, the super-gorgeous blue-bluer-bluest hunk comes in with his friends, and she is immediately seized by lust.
What was it about that strong jaw, expressive face; skin the color of a cloudless, perfect summer day that unnerved me? His eyes were a dark navy, bright and intelligent. His hair was a darker navy, pulled back in a formal knot. The markings on his arm glowed in a banded patterned, showing that he was with friends. His broad shoulders took up the space at the head of the table, sitting like a mountain of hard muscle.
See? Everything is blue. He’s blue da-ba-di, da-ba-da…
Even better, he’s rich and his blood is as blue as his skin. Prince Aster – hey, that’s cheating as asters are purplish flowers; how come his name is not Hydrangea or Periwinkle? – is charming too. He slams his hand on the table and points a finger at her, saying that he expected her to be Fremm like him and not some human, and our heroine gives him some lip back while deep inside, her kettle is at full boil and steaming all over because such xenophobia is so sexy, so irresistible.
And then, Periwinkle smells her and realizes that she is his mate, and drags her off his cave, I mean, ship.
That will teach her not to wear clean undies. Oh, wait, is that special mating scent that somehow humans develop in the presence of insufferable, psychotically arrogant aliens with literal blue testicles. The moment Peri the Prince shags the heroine, she is like, yes, yes, true love – thanks for the $0.99, please come again!
I have no idea what I have just read. I feel like I’ve just paid money to be trolled. The author’s writing style is actually pretty snappy and readable, so I can only conclude that this story was written in ten minutes because the author needed money urgently for some reason.
