Category:Film Reviews

The Sand (2015)

Don’t walk on the beach! Okay, this is no Jaws, not even close, but still, Dean Geyer’s shirtless all the time!

It’s Jurassic World meets The Walking Dead, and I am walking off.

Good-looking, wealthy, and famous white dude whining and crying that he’s not getting enough love from his many conquests. How compelling, snort.

I never thought I’d say this, but so many shots of pasty rear ends and other bared male flesh still can’t save this interminably dull mess.

I don’t know which is more terrifying: the disco dancing, the acting, or the fact that I am entertained by it all.

This one pretends to be a more character-driven sci-fi horror, but it’s actually just about women kicking lots of crap out of one another.

If you think this movie is disturbing, you really should avoid reading the book that it is loosely based on.

The real evil is that the people behind the original Evil Dead actually wanted this to happen.

If this one had been anything but a zombie movie, it’d have been grand. Or, at the very least, it’d make more sense.

This movie is very pretty, but I’d suggest waiting for rental. It’s all flash and bang, but with little substance.