Main cast: Chad Connell (Daniel Krueger) and David Cameron (Alexander)
Director: Sven J Matten
Daniel Krueger, our hero, is a successful TV journalist and talk show host, who is white, handsome, and wealthy. Alas, his career hits the skids when he starts experiencing panic attacks. Fortunately, a new hot younger guy, Alexander, is there to offer inane and vapid “helpful” platitudes to help Daniel get back on track. Lots of sex and cuddle scenes, superficial tedious psychoanalyzing, and awfully stilted acting ensue.
Ugh, Steel must be based on the fanfiction of some weird stalker of Anderson Cooper, I’d suspect, because Alexander is an artificial character. None of his conversations or behaviors ring real or resemble those of a human being even a little. He is a walking greeting card that sprouts banalities like “You are a half-god, and you can find that in you again!”. He’s supposed to be 19 to Daniel’s 29, but he acts and talks like Yoda’s slower younger brother.
And the pacing… I swear, this movie must be at least 72 hours long because it just won’t quit. Vapid conversations straight out of a bad talk show nightmare thing that would make even Sally Struthers vomit, scene of these two men cuddling in bed or a tame sex scene (the movie alternates between these two), Alexander quizzing Daniel in bed over things like his favorite snack or some crap that is supposed to be a failed allegory for something more profound, the two men then run off to this lake where they can swim for the rest of the day; repeat and rinse for what seems like forever. There is only so much hammy heavy-handed motivational talk I can take before my eyes start to cross.
The thing is, come on. Daniel is hot, wealthy, and he has access to this lake in a lovely wooded area where he can frolic with the boyfriend whenever the mood hits him. So he has panic attacks? Big deal. Go see a shrink, as it’s not like he can’t afford it. Go take drugs, sleep with a Rottweiler, whatever. Just stop with the constant stilted and artificial psychobabble, please, or my spleen will explode.
Oh, and the ending, that is just unintentionally hilarious. Alexander dies after getting hit by a car, right after Daniel has sort of gotten over himself. Really? That is so played out, it’s the go-to pretentious loser “twist” utilized by vapid idiots who want to pretend that their scripts to be more “profound” than they can ever dream of achieving. The wooden acting in that moment really shines, if we can call getting me to laugh out loud at the whole awfulness of that scene “shining”.
On the bright side, the guys are nice to look at when they are naked. (And no, this David Cameron is not the former UK Prime Minister!) Still, I can only look at their pasty rear ends and Chad Connell’s pretty pee-pee for so long without getting bored out of my mind by the rest of the movie. Oh, and should I be disturbed by the fact that Daniel apparently wears the same underwear over a period of a few days?
Steel is an amateurish shlock that tries so hard to be deeper and more intellectual than it actually is, and this is one movie best watched by fast-forwarding straight to the naked man parts and ignoring the rest.
Loves boys that sparkle, unicorns, money, Lego, chocolates, tasty buffets, video game music, and fantastical stories.