Harlequin Historical, $4.99, ISBN 0-373-29104-3
Historical Romance, 2000

Oh, poor Oz, dumped by Willow for Tara. And I’m starting to like Buffy’s new boyfriend, that Initiative fellow Riley, who looks damned fine shirtless.

And how dare Teá Leoni played Scully in that The X-Files episode Hollywood AD! Okay, it was a stroke of inspired casting, but the whole series is down the dumps anyway.

Huh? A Warrior’s Kiss?

Oh yeah. That book. Hmm, I’d rather talk about TV shows.

Okay, okay. It is a medieval set in Wales. Young knight Trystan DeLanyea wants to get married to a rich woman to have money, land, and brats. So he invites an heiress and the Other Woman – uh oh, that poor woman now doesn’t have a chance in hell – Lady Rosamunde to stay at his place as a guest.

He will then woo her. But Rosamunde also has plans to get Trystan for herself. Too bad their plans always end up going around each other. Trystan end up accidentally making love to Mair, the local brewer girl (don’t ask).

One night of orgasms has Mair quickly realizing that – of course! – she has been in love with Trystan all along! Funny how orgasms can scramble one’s brains. Trystan too wants to get the choo-choo burning with Mair, but she is, alas, a beer brewer.

Did I mention that Mair had a child with Trystan’s half brother? But since this is a boring, stale romance that follows the formula closely, we all know it is all a big mistake and Mair now doesn’t trust men. Men – all useless people. Except Trystan, of course, because while he’s also slime, he does give good orgasms. He’s the hero, after all!

Anyway, despite his pretty face, Trystan comes off as pure slime, a womanizer who seems unable to shoulder any responsibility in his inept life. And Mair, who is a pretty decent heroine, loses all her credibility mooning after a useless wastrel like Trystan. I can’t help thinking maybe Mair is better off with Rosamunde, but hey, that’s just me.

A Warrior’s Kiss has an irritating hero whose sole virtue for hero material seems to be his pretty face and his ingenious Mr Wonky and its bag of acrobatic tricks. It is also a bag of the same old Happy Meal of a medieval castle – the wise nurse, the gruff captain of the guards, the … can we talk about the Oz and Tara and Willow love triangle now?