Suiseisha, $41.50, ISBN 978-4-434-26839-7
Fantasy Erotica, 2019
It is only when I start reading The Titan’s Bride Volume 1, or Kyojinzoku no Hanayome Volume 1 for people that want to sound “authentically Japanese”, that I realize that the bride in question is a young man. Wait, what. Also, the bigger guy is actually a titan, or a giant in other words, and in certain panels of this illustrated compilation of the manga, that guy is huge.
So yes, this is a fantasy about macrophilia—humans getting shagged by giants in ways that can only happen in fiction.
Don’t look at me. I was told this is a sweet romantic comedy. I’m pretty sure I had been trolled because this one is outright smut. I don’t think there is anything wrong with smut, of course, but seriously, sex with a giant? Taking giant dong up the ass? I feel like I need to go to the ICU after I’m done with the first volume of this thing.
In the titan kingdom on the planet of Tildan, Caius Lao Bistail needs a wife in order to become king. However, a prophecy ordained that he can only marry someone not of that planet, or else a great calamity will befall all. He has the local sorcerers and other woo-woo specialists cast a spell to draw forth a bride from another world… and he gets Kōichi Mizuki, a young lad on Earth that is just about to graduate from whatever passes for high school in Japan. Not eager to have a giant dong up his rear end on the very first night of his arrival, he manages to hold Caius long enough for the prince to propose that they take one month to first know each other better. Naturally, to the prince, this means getting Kōichi to know one of his fingers intimately one fine evening, then another finger for a two-in-one the following evening, and finally, what would have been a serious accident in real life turning into orgasmic bliss as, for some reason, having a penis the size of an elephant’s foot up one’s ass is a prelude to the best multiple orgasms ever.
When Kōichi wonders later in the volume how he can still walk straight, he isn’t talking about the gong of a dong that he had up his arse for days and nights and every hour in between. That’s how I know this is fiction, heh.
There is some mild plot here that I’m pretty sure nobody cares about, because it’s just filler between scenes of macrophilia buggery. I’m already distracted by how the size of Caius seems to shrink or grow depending on whichever panel it is, but my issue is a censored one, so I’m even more distracted by how these Japanese people thoughtfully made sure that all depictions of penises are completely white-out’ed. No, really, there is a big white dong-shaped empty space between where a certain something should be dangling between the men’s legs or being forcefully stuffed like… oh god, my perception of physical limitations of the human body rebels against even the memory of what I have seen in this thing, shudder. Maybe it’s a good thing that I can’t see what is happening down there where these men are concerned.
My disappointment with this one, though, is how fast it becomes repetitive and tedious. Kōichi fits the stereotype of the damsel in distress to a tee, as he is constantly weeping, getting scared, fainting, and more—and naturally, the only way he can be perked up is if he is made to play with his giant’s giant dong or have it stuffed up his ass. There’s no variety to the proceedings here. Worse, our midget hero is constantly whining, complaining, and coming up with reasons to feel guilty for some dumb thing, all the more for him to run away and for Caius to run after him and… yup, bugger that fellow. Repeat and rinse, repeatedly until I start to feel that artist and writer ITKZ really didn’t have any solid idea for this story after jotting on a piece of paper: “giant dong rips up tight human ass”.
Mind you, I perk up a bit when the furry beastmen show up late in this volume and Kōichi is captured by them—oh, as if there is any doubt that will happen, as he’s utterly useless aside from being the splooge bucket of every fellow in this comic—and yay, I think he’s about to be raped by those things. Yes, at that point this whiny useless waste of gasping, sobbing, writhing flesh has annoyed me so much that I won’t mind seeing him suffer. Will Caius show up in time to save Kōichi’s goatse-shaped ass from being violated by horny, hairy beasts?
Someone please read volume two and tell me if Kōichi suffered badly. That’s all I care to know after reading this bewilderingly boring and tedious thing. How can something of this nature be this repetitive chore of a read? I thought the Japanese are better at selling perverted fetishes to the rest of the world!
