Main cast: Keanu Reeves (Shane Falco), Gene Hackman (Coach Jimmy McGinty), Brooke Langton (Annabelle Farrell), Rhys Ifans (Nigel Gruff), Tony Winbush (Walter Cochran), Michael Jace (Earl Wilkinson), Jon Favreau (Daniel Bateman), Ace Yonamine (Jumbo Fumiko), Faizon Love (Jamal Abdul Jackson), Michael Taliferro (André “Action” Jackson), Orlando Jones (Clifford Franklin), David Denman (Brian Murphy), and Brett Cullen (Eddie Martel)
Director: Howard Deutch

I’m sure that I were the sort to dream of scoring with the pretty cheerleader in high school, while dreaming I look like Keanu Reeves, and if I hadn’t seen sports movies before, I would love The Replacements to pieces. Too bad I weren’t, I don’t, I have, and I had.

The rich, filthy rude, lazy, and pompous rich jocks of NFL have gone on strike (it’s 1987), so our ragtag noble, shining talent-all-waiting-to-be-unearthed loser team gets a go. Wait until they become rich, then we’ll see if they are any better than the NFL depicted here. Shane Falco, the only pretty guy here, scores the final touchdown as well as with the only pretty woman here, cheerleader/stripper auditioner Annabelle.

Along the way there are the usual almost-win’s, disappointments, bickering, “I am leaving! You don’t appreciate me!” tantrums, and inane “He scores! He scores!” to underscore our hero’s pinnacle of glory in coitus. Yawn.

Of course at the end we will all see the underdogs win, and all the naysayers will give them a standing ovation. Me, I wonder why there’s no Keanu Reeves full frontal nude shots. Maybe then it’ll negate some of the overall predictability of this silly movie. “He scores!” my bum.