Madonna’s plan to stay relevant is to be boring and woke in her best Minnie Mouse voice.

It took a boatload of producers, but the old Madonna is back. Well, sort of.

Why is Madonna trying so hard to sound like five years behind time?

Just dance, dance, dance, dance, dance – because there is nothing else to do here.

Madonna pretends that she’s so sad and torn up about life. She had it really hard, being a star, you know?

Madonna’s greatest hits, take two.

Madonna continues to go all deep into electronica.