Oh look, it’s a romance with nerds! Except, everything is so underdeveloped, I don’t know why we even bother.

Oh look, there are lesbians in New York – shocker, I know – but their relationship is only worthy of a short story.

How can a story with so many swords and helmets end up being this predictable young adult-ish Sassy McSassy Sasses It All tale?

It’s all cute puppies and sunshine until he whips out his thing and oh my god, put it away.