Main cast: Tom Holland (Peter Parker/Spider-Man), Zendaya (Michelle “MJ” Jones-Watson), Benedict Cumberbatch (Dr Stephen Strange), Jacob Batalon (Ned Leeds), Jon Favreau (Harold “Happy” Hogan), Jamie Foxx (Max Dillon/Electro), Willem Dafoe (Norman Osbor/Green Goblin), Alfred Molina (Otto Octavius/Doctor Octopus), Rhys Ifans (Dr Curt Connors/Lizard), Thomas Haden Church (Flint Marko/Sandman), Benedict Wong (Wong), JK Simmons (J Jonah Jameson), Tony Revolori (Eugene “Flash” Thompson), Marisa Tomei (May Parker), Andrew Garfield (Peter Parker 3), and Tobey Maguire (Peter Parker 2)
Director: Jon Watts
Major spoilers are present in this review! Yes, I’m a meanie, but the spoilers are already everywhere online at the time of writing, plus it’s hard for me to express my thoughts about this movie coherently without delving into them. So yes, this review is full of major spoilers, so avert your eyes now if you wish to remain unspoiled.
Okay, Spider-Man: No Way Home. You’ve been warned, so you’re on your own now if you keep reading.
As a fallout of the events in the previous movie, Peter Parker’s identity is now exposed, plus he’s framed for the destruction and deaths caused by Mysterio. J Jonah Jameson, of course, gleefully reports on all this and pours fuel to the fire, and soon Peter, MJ, and Ned find themselves barred from even applying to MIT due to all the controversy and scandal surrounding them.
Like every sensible person, he goes off to visit Dr Strange, to ask whether there is any spell that could be done to make things right. Wong, the Sorcerer Supreme, basically goes “I’m out, you’re all on your own!” and leaves, because there is so much CGI here that they can’t afford to pay Benedict Wong for anything more than a cameo appearance. Strange casts a spell to make people forget that Peter is Spider-Man, but Peter is being his usual idiot teen self and keeps changing the list of people that should be excluded from the effects of the spell so the spell goes awry.
Since Strange never beforehand asked Peter to lay down the exception list before he cast the spell, I guess that makes him an even bigger idiot, and the Sorcerer Supreme is the biggest idiot of them all for not even staying to supervise crap.
At any rate, the spell ends up drawing people that knows that Peter Parker is Spider-Man from other Spider-Man movies multiverses into this one: Doctor Octopus, Lizard, Sandman, Electro, and of course the Green Goblin. Strange almost has them all captured and sent back to their own multiverses, until Peter realizes that doing so will send them to their deaths. Plus, Aunt May tells him that it’s his “responsibility” to give these villains a second chance, so he nabs the plot device box from Strange and takes these bunch of homicidal lunatics to a fully-occupied resident block to use Tony Stark’s plot device can-do-everything mobile lab to create things that will rid these villains of their powers.
Otto Octavius is happy to be cured, but the others are like, nope, they’d rather keep their awesome powers, thanks you, and destroy the building, injure and kill who know how many people in the resulting carnage (the movie later chickens out and says only one person is killed, but having seen the destruction that results, I doubt that is right), and yay, Aunt May freaking dies for being an utter imbecile. Even before she dies, she insists that Peter has done the right thing. I’m sure the rest of the people that were in the apartment block when the whole thing took place would agree.
So now, Peter has his personal Uncle Ben-is-dead-and-it’s-my-fault existential crisis, and this movie proceeds to move along this theme. This is that movie where Peter Parker screws up big time, and as if a karmic payback for this version of Peter having a far more easy life compared to the other Peter Parker versions up to this point, it takes over two hours to drive the screws into the poor Peter. That guy gets beaten up and battered so badly here, something that rarely happens after Disney took over the MCU, and he actually needs help.
Fortunately, the spell also draws in the two Peter Parkers from past franchises, so in the later half of this movie, the other Peters show up to help this Peter. This is when the film veers off into fanfiction territory, which is a good thing for folks that have watched those past movies, as this one has lots of fanservice done right. From the three Peters discussing the differences in their super powers to Peter Parker 3 easing the aches in Peter Parker 2’s spine in a manner that will set in motion a dozen naughty fanfiction, this one is a nerd’s fantasy come true.
The appearances of the past Spider-Mans also give closure to those men, especially Andrew Garfield’s Spider-Man. Given that the latter is my favorite Spider-Man because Andrew Garfield sells his character so bloody well, I love this. He’s the only Peter Parker that ends his franchise on a tragic note, and I choke up a bit that he finds emotional closure here. Mr Garfield’s Peter is the least defined of the Peters here because he only had two movies to his name, but my god, he sells the hell out of his character in this movie too.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: The Amazing Spider-Man 2 may be a mediocre movie made worse by executive meddling, but it’s a beautiful tragic love story.
Now, MCU villains tend to be on the forgettable side, but not on the Fox side of the MCU, as once again, the villains in the MCU Spider-Man movies steal the spotlight. Peter Parker here is merely a reaction generator against Willem Dafoe’s spectacularly terrifying and manipulative Green Goblin, but to be fair to Tom Holland, such roles are tailor-made for Mr Dafoe. Mr Dafoe has that last name for a purpose and a reason, after all. Jamie Foxx is much better here too, and Alfred Molina is just great.
In fact, the movie is stolen from Tom Holland, Zendaya, and Ned Leeds the moment Dr Strange shows up and upstages them in every scene, and the rest of the villains and Peter Parkers later pull off what is essentially a heist on whatever that is already not stolen by Benedict Cumberbatch.
Now, let me start dwelling on the disappointing aspects of this movie.
One, the plot. Sure, Peter screws up bad here, but not once does the movie acknowledge how monstrously stupid it is to even try to rehabilitate these villains on his own. Aunt May is really dumb and frankly, she deserves what came to her. However, in the end, Peter is meant to be perceived as being true to himself for having done what he did, and all the deaths, destruction, and injuries he has caused in this movie are just means for his own character journey. That’s horrible.
Furthermore, just think. By vanquishing Harry Osborn’s green goblin persona by means of a plot device green goo, the genial Harry will have to live with the knowledge of what the Green Goblin has done for the rest of his life. Peter is already breaking down because of the infamy of being Spider-Man that he wants a magic spell to erase everything… and now he wants Harry to live with a far, far worse kind of infamy for the rest of his life? What, does he expect them to just live happily ever after just because they are “cured”? If I were Harry, I’d rather be dead.
Also, why is everyone in the audience supposed to canonize Aunt May again? Who is she again? In the first movie she was the hot aunt, a foil to the usual geriatric portrayal of that character, and in the second movie, she was Happy’s love interest. Then all of a sudden she is wise and sage? Huh, am I missing something here? I mean, in this movie she is seen advocating “second chances” to people that have mass-murdered many others just because. She’s dead, and I’m glad she is. Damn this movie for making me side with JJ Jameson!
Additionally, this movie is a reboot of sorts, as with Aunt May being the new Uncle Ben and Peter getting a whole reset button pulled on him. This means that he can now proceed down the route that has been taken by all the other versions of Peter Parker in the past. I don’t know how I feel about this, as one thing I do like about the MCU version of Spider-Man is that he is not another rehash of a superhero that has been made into movies so many times in the last two decades that it’s become a running joke. Now that they can make this Peter Parker grow up to be just like every other Peter Parkers in the past… well, I’m not exactly hopping in joy to see something that I’ve seen and read many times before.
Speaking of which, I may be more excited about the plot of this one if I hadn’t already seen Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. Just saying. Having this movie insert so many Easter eggs and fanservice-y nods to past Spider-Man movies, while enjoyable, also adds to this “I’ve seen this before, and they’re going to make me see more of the same after this?” kind of trepidation I can’t help feeling about the future of this franchise after the movie ends.
At any rate, I do have fun with this one. However, I wish the entertainment factor had more to do with Mr Holland and the rest of the main cast. No, instead, this movie is fun because it’s a lovely homage, celebration, and throwback to the past Spider-Man movies, and this time, I can finally listen to Phosphorescent’s Song for Zula with a smile instead of a having a lump in my throat.
