Cameron Hart, $2.99, ISBN 979-8223249894
Contemporary Romance, 2023
Cameron Hart’s Shared by Her Mountain Man once again sends an imbecile of a heroine running to Podunk-a-duck, but this time, not one but two mountain men will help do her thinking and decision making for her. Of course, we mention “mountain men” in this series, but don’t worry, they still offer urbane living to their stupid girlfriends because heaven forbid one gets an actual mountain man with all the shedding fur and body odors that come with being one.
Quinn found her boyfriend enthusiastically shagging an undoubtedly more intelligent woman earlier that day so right now she drives blindly to some mountain cabin only to get hopelessly lost in the middle of a blizzard. Our smart heroine naturally decides to step out of her vehicle to turn on her dark vision, oops, except she doesn’t have one and down she goes for the count.
Sadly, instead of falling deep into a ravine only for her body never to be found again, she is instead discovered and nursed by two one-dimensional guys that share a single personality between them. Grant is the grunting one, while Sawyer is the charming one, and the two of them decide to share Quinn between them because heaven knows, if she had to power her brain to try to pick one guy, she may end up contracting meningitis from the effort and die.
Romance here is basically instant lust extended by prodigious inches with every turn of the page until it pokes right into the hilt.
Grunt is initially all about keeping away from Quinn, while Suave is all about keeping himself on top of her. While Suave and Quinn get closer together, Grunt gets even grumpier, until Sawyer tells him that she wants the both of them. He is then grunting away in a happier manner.
The whole thing is a rescue fantasy of an imbecile heroine who, despite having been burned by quickly putting out to a guy that soon replaced her with an upgraded model, just as quickly puts out to two men the moment she is well enough to spread them wide.
The romantic conflict here is Grunt acting all woo and noo after the post-coital high, storming away from the other two to brood for a bit before he gets horny and jumps on Quinn again. The whole thing is drama for the sake of drama, and it’s not even good drama at that.
This thing, therefore, is just a one-dimensional story of a dingbat that clearly can’t take care of herself but is supposed to have a happily ever after in Podunk-a-duck, where she’d no doubt trip on a pebble and break a neck as a result one of these days because she forgets for a second how to walk like a human being. Her guys are basically dildos in two different flavors—horny and surly—and that’s as far as personality goes for these two men.
Maybe one can argue that this is just a romantic take on Goldilocks and the Three Two Bears or something, but come on. The whole thing is so superficial and shallow, clearly written to be read with one hand, if you know what I mean, as the author puts more effort in the positioning of the various body parts in the horny scenes than in the rest of the story.
I’d rather read the official sequel, when Grunt loses it and slays those two before chopping them up and making a lovely dinner out of them. Let me know when that one comes out.
