Main cast: Jackie Chan (Chief Inspector Lee), Chris Tucker (Det James Carter), Zhang Ziyi (Hu Li), John Lone (Ricky Tan), Roselyn Sánchez (Isabella), Alan King (Steven Reign),
Harris Yulin (Agent Sterling), Kenneth Tsang (Captain Chin), and Joel McKinnon Miller (Tex)
Director: Brett Ratner
Chief Inspector Lee or Pork Bun Boy and Det James “I Left My Eardrums in San Francisco” Carter are back. Oh boy. Hey, before you Jackie Chan fanboys hammer me again, I must say I like the first Rush Hour – somewhat. But Rush Hour 2 has Pork Bun Boy almost naked. I am still suffering from the psychological traumas that awful sight inflicted on my genteel psyche. And if Eardrums in San Francisco shrieks any louder, I will personally grab my monkey wrench and do some personal tonsil extraction on that screaming weirdo.
This time around, Pork Bun and Miss Thing wrecks havoc in Hong Kong. Lots of stupid jokes ensue. But I almost scratch my eyeballs out of my sockets when they show those two naked naked except for covers at the bare necessities. It scares me to think that somewhere out there there are people who want to see these two emasculated weirdos naked. Then again, I understand if it’s a freak show thing, like say, Pork Bun and Miss Thing getting it on in Gruesome Twosome Coupling Masterpiece XXX Theater, but still…
Anywhere, where was I? Short of throwing my stomach’s contents into the toilet sink? Oh yeah. John Lone plays a triad baddie who sends his henchwoman Hu Li to finish off our Pork Bun-Miss Thing Gruesome-Twosome because those two are too close to exposing said baddie’s syndicate. Zhang Ziyi rarely speaks, and worse, she looks totally unconvincing in her role as a baddie. When she tries to do an evil face, she looks like a petulant 15-year old about to burst into tears. La Femme Barbie here does deliver some great chops though. I cheer when she bashes Miss Thing really bad, oh baby, oh yes. Too bad she doesn’t do an impromptu tracheotomy on Miss Thing, because I would have saved some money on getting my bleeding eardrums treated if she did.
The P Daddy’s I‘ll Be Missing You thing is cute though, even if it just screams “Wigger”, or shall we say “Chigger” wannabe. Too bad it’s the wrong fellow who died, and worse, too bad I have to see Pork Bun trying to emote.
Of course, Chinese people rapping or dancing is still just oh so hilarious (oh kill me), black guys screaming is even more funny (please, kill me now), and Pork Bun speaking English is funnier still (okay, please – kill me, kill me, KILL ME!). Rush Hour 2 is just plain horrifying. If maggots explode out of a gigantic sore on my forehead to squirm all over my face, that is still a better experience than me seeing Pork Bun in the skimpies.
