Danni Roan, $3.99, ISBN 978-1393167662
Historical Romance, 2020

The heroine in Danni Roan’s Prim is, of course, Primrose Perkins.

She and her sister Periwinkle, Peri for short and now I have a craving for Nandos ugh, once lived with their outlaw father and their mother, the latter hadn’t been the same since a cow kicked her in the head. When lawmen show up and her father decide to open fire, the two sisters find themselves all alone with a simple mother to care for.

Never mind, they bring their mom and seek to stay with their Aunt Betsy for the time being, but they then hit another snag. They can’t find any respectable jobs due to their father’s reputation, and they are Christians so they aren’t going to look for disreputable jobs. Oh, what can they do?

Well, Prim will sign up as a mail-order bride, naturally!

Her sister is worried that the man may be ugly, because we all know it is sinful for Christians to marry ugly people. Fortunately, romance heroes are all hot and sexy Christian, so there is never any fear of committing such kind of sacrilege here.

Dear Sir,

My name is Primrose Perkins and I am looking for a new home. I am a fair cook, and housekeeper. I am a simple girl with no pretense who would like to settle down and start a family of my own.

I am from Tennessee but am interested in knowing more about your town of Needful. I know little about cattle or horses, but am willing to learn.

I am twenty years old, and not unattractive, ( not ugly) (hard on the eyes) (with dark hair and light blue eyes.

You will find me hard working, dedicated, and loyal.

If I seem like the type of woman you are interested in I hope to hear from you in the very near future.

Sincerely Yours,

Primrose A. Perkins.

Hmm, no mention of a drooling mom and a sister that is scared of ugly men, I see. Will Jesus approve of such tactical omission?

Anyway, this is how Prim ends up in Needful, Texas, hoping to marry a Daniel Gaines.

She bumps into Anderson Bowlings first, however, when she comes into town. He’s handsome, has a sexy voice, and he also richer than Dan, what with him being invited to all the fanciest parties in town and being cooed by adoring ladies hoping for a hot shag humble wedding ring on their finger.

This one may be a Christian romance, but even Jesus knows that there ain’t no romance without finance and a fine ass Christian piety.

Well, it turns out that there is some kind of mix-up, because Dan never requested for a mail-order bride. Oh no, will Prim has to do un-Christian things now to survive?

Of course not. Prim has the same strengths and flaws of the previous standalone story Amanda: the author seems averse to the idea of her characters having even a little bit of conflict.

On one hand, this makes for a cozy, comfy diversion.

Prim quickly shares with Anderson that she has a mom and sister back home that any man lucky enough to have her will also have to care for, so there is no last minute surprise for Anderson here.

Dan quickly lets Prim know that he never asked for her hand, much less her presence, so again, there is no prolonged anguish or the heroine being forced to oscillate between Mr Obviously Right and Mr Obviously Wrong for drama.

Once Dan lets this be known, Anderson comes in like a bowling ball gallantly and most Christian-ly courts Prim to be his wife while agreeing to take in her sister and mom as well.

See, there is no drama. Plus, everyone loves Prim and thinks she’s so adorable, and even Dan can’t bring himself to be a jerk to her.

It all makes for a trouble-free read.

On the other hand… well, there is a thing as a story being too cozy with all possible conflicts being resolved too conveniently the moment they show up, and this one, being such a story, ends up being as forgettable as it is a pleasant read.

Come on, not even a toe-curling passionate snog? What, Jesus won’t approve?

What a pity. The Bible has far more numerous naughty bits than this thing, and it was a famous French church dude that wrote a chanson with a line that goes: “Your beauty makes me amorous, just below the navel.” So I don’t know why that fellow won’t approve. Christianity is sexy.

Anyway, three oogies.