Golden Angel, $3.99, ISBN 978-1310860218
Historical Erotica, 2015

How nice, Golden Angel’s Philip’s Rules let me know from the start that the hero isn’t another boring “I don’t believe in love! Ever!” wheezer-bummer.

Happily married. The men at his club called the concept a myth perpetuated by the womenfolk, but Philip Stanley, the Marquess of Dunbury, thought he had a very good chance at just such a fantastical state of being. Of course, he was also privileged to know several couples whom were happily married – he was even related to two of them.

That is so sweet.

Spanking a woman’s curvy bottom had always been a particularly enjoyable past-time for Philip. He loved to see a woman’s reddened bottom, listen to her delicious cries and pleas, and then cuddle and fuck her into delirium afterwards. The idea of engaging in such activities, in truth, as a punishment as well as a pleasure… well it had caught him immediately. Like most men of their standing, he’d always assumed such perverse activities would be confined to his mistresses’ bedrooms after marriage. To see how fulfilled both his cousins were, on opposite sides of the equation, had sparked an envious desire in him.

Okay, I’m all for spanking and discipline if both parties consented to the whole thing, but cousins all sharing the same kink has me wondering whether it is something in the water or, maybe, maybe, considering that we are talking about the noble toffs of London, it’s time to start marrying outside the family.

He’s hoping to see the reddened bottom of Cordelia Astley, the Dowager Baroness Hastings, soon. He’d proposed to her, and she’d accepted, after all.

Naturally, Cordelia has to get married, so even if she refused to have her rear end smacked into an impressive resemblance of Ronald McDonald’s face, it’s not like she has any other option. I guess the author doesn’t trust me to believe that the heroine may get to enjoy the whack-me-rump fun unless the enjoyment reeks also of desperation.

Here’s my issue with this story. I want the whack-whack-whack fun, but the author drags the wedding day and mundane hee-hee-hee hello-my-lord interactions for half the story. It’s not like these parts of the story offer me any insight into the main characters’ head or give them some solid character development. The characters remain rather one-note for the most part, and as a result, I get bored quickly and feel like the Queen of Hearts screaming for the spanking to begin right away.

Outside of the whole spanky sex-sex thing, there isn’t much drama. Cordelia takes to her rear resembling a well-done waffle with remarkable ease, and the only pseudo-conflict late in the story is our heroine feeling slightly miffed that she isn’t shagged as often and as hard as she’d want to be.

In other words, the sex is the highlight and only selling point of this thing, because there is a lack of compelling characters, plot, or anything else to round off the story.

It’s a shame. The author has a nice way with words, and the prose for the most part is perfect for a high-brow, pseudo-intellectual erotica. Alas, all those words are wasted on a story that isn’t much of one, outside of the kink. This one would have been so much better as a much shorter story with all the extraneous scenes shaved off.