Kimani, $6.50, ISBN 978-0-373-86482-9
Contemporary Romance, 2016
Once upon a time Jordin DuGrandpre had a crush on Ethan Holbrooke. Okay, she still has one. Back then, he didn’t call or write because he didn’t want her to pity him for being poor or something like that. So he deliberately kept away. Well, he’s back in town, and now he’s deliberately keeping away because he really likes her but he’s not sure how to approach her again. Meanwhile, she tells her family members, especially her matchmaking-obsessed twin sister, things that they all should already know when she’s not stewing in jealousy over the idea of Ethan having relationships with other women. Of course, he is now a loaded fellow while she… well, she is from old money.
Any idea why these two don’t hook up by page 150 and call it a day? That’s because the author is contracted to deliver a full length novel to her publisher and she is therefore going to draw out everyone’s misery like it’s a Chinese water torture party and nobody is allowed to leave.
Only for You has everything to make for a painfully boring read. Stilted conversations that do not resemble anything anyone would say in real life, focus on the main characters doing boring little things like having lunches, an overload of secondary characters doing nothing but to urge the main characters to copulate in an unintentionally creepy manner, and so forth. The author tries to keep things interesting by using the worst, most overused tropes ever: daddy and mommy issues, with Mommy of course being all one-dimensionally mean and nasty.
Still, there is one unintentional moment of comedy. The hero became a millionaire in three years by selling “weight loss products” out of the trunk of his car. So, tell me: that’s an euphemism that the hero made his money dealing drugs, right?
Anyway, there is really nothing much else to say, because this one is just too boring to inspire me in ways that will make this review interesting. It’s boring, I’m bored, and that’s pretty much it.
Cantankerous muffin who loves boys that sparkle, unicorns, money, chocolates, and fantastical stories.