Main cast: Sydney Chandler (Wendy), Alex Lawther (Joe Hermit), Essie Davis (Dame Sylvia), Samuel Blenkin (Boy Kavalier), Babou Ceesay (Morrow), Adarsh Gourav (Slightly), Erana James (Curly), Lily Newmark (Nibs), Jonathan Ajayi (Smee), David Rysdahl (Arthur Sylvia), Diêm Camille (Siberian), Moe Bar-El (Rashidi), Adrian Edmondson (Atom Eins), and Timothy Olyphant (Kirsh)
Director: Ugla Hauksdóttir
Xenomorph Queen Goddess in Hell, Alien: Earth is exactly what I feared: wide-eyed unintelligent kids running wild in a place that has xenomorphs out and about. Why are we letting these kids run around like this? Has there been a mandate by Ridley Scott — who took far more credit than he deserves for the first Alien movie — or does showrunner Noah Hawley genuinely think that kids are best things ever in a horror show?
In Observation, yes, observe as nothing of interest happens.
Wendy can listen to and likely communicate with xenomorphs now! Must be the girl boss gene in action, as we know whoever possesses that gene can do anything and everything without really trying.
Kirsh and some other people experiment with the creature they found on that spaceship in that episode that felt like it took place 300 years ago because my god, this is one short story stretched out across far more episodes than it needs. Anyway, who cares.
Also, the CGI in that scene is unintentionally comical because it is so bad. The sheep standing upright on its hind legs and staring at everyone with a xenomorph-or-whatever eye is the best moment in the entire episode because it makes me laugh out loud.
The most significant development is that Morrow tries to persuade Slightly to steal an ovomorph for him — how typical, to make the only Punjabi boy of the DEI Benetton hybrid kids to be the traitor and the thief — and eventually blackmails him into agreeing with the plan. Kirsh is onto them, though, because this show never lets anyone have any fun.
Nibs announces to everyone that she is pregnant! Who cares. Well, maybe whichever passes for the cops in that time setting, I guess, as technically Nibs is an actual child in a hybrid body.
Then again, we all know what “pregnant” means in this show, so I suppose anticipating this annoying’s impending gory death can be one reason to keep watching, as god knows I need as many reasons as I can get to convince myself that I am not torturing myself for nothing.
Finally, the episode ends with Wendy getting what seems like a kawaii xenomorph pet or something. Good lord, this is what the mighty xenomorphs have sunk so low to become.
Oh, and if I need any evidence that the people behind this show are hacks, they have Boy Kavalier making a quote and attributing it to Isaac Asimov. Ugh. “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic” is famous quote from the book Childhood’s End by Arthur C Clarke and has since become what many people call Clarke’s Third Law.
Curious as to how this obvious gaffe can happen, I looked up the people behind this show and shocker: Noah Hawley has more films that got cancelled and scrapped than actual films that he completed to his name, and the rest are pure “Wait, who are you again?”-tier materials.
In other words, once again the Disney folks hired nobodies with little to no experience in anything to execute their projects, and they are the only ones confused when the end result is pure xenomorph turd with acidic urine sprinkled over it.
Sigh. One more episode down. One step closer to the end of this waste of time of a show.
