Main cast: Sydney Chandler (Wendy), Alex Lawther (Joe Hermit), Essie Davis (Dame Sylvia), Samuel Blenkin (Boy Kavalier), Babou Ceesay (Morrow), Adarsh Gourav (Slightly), Erana James (Curly), Lily Newmark (Nibs), Jonathan Ajayi (Smee), David Rysdahl (Arthur Sylvia), Diêm Camille (Siberian), Moe Bar-El (Rashidi), Adrian Edmondson (Atom Eins), and Timothy Olyphant (Kirsh)
Director: Dana Gonzales

Metamorphosis is the third episode of Alien: Earth and by this point, the only two characters worth rooting for or against are the sole adults in the room, and both are not human.

There’s Kirsch, and I’m not saying this because I have an undying crush on Timothy Olyphant. His synth Kirsh is the only character that has any working brainpower, such as not wanting to have alien creatures placed near him and shooing all the organic brainless lifeforms that he has to babysit away from these things. It’s a low bar, at least on paper, but anyone watching this show will understand how he comes off as a genius compared to the other nitwits wasting screen time.

And then, of course the show makes him do a dumb thing at the end of the episode just to spite me.

Then there’s Morrow, the cyborg that is working for Weyland-Yutani, who also seems to have a semblance of a working brain. At least he doesn’t have to babysit the passel of idiots running wild on the show.

I honestly don’t understand why they are dragging out what seems like a story that could have easily be completed in 2 hours. This episode is slightly over 54 minutes and still feels like a filler episode.

Okay, Wendy manages to decapitate a xenomorph because those scary aliens are now girl boss fodder. Say what you want about Alien: Resurrection, but at least those things are still terrifying there. Ever since Prometheus, those things have become boring and often inept creatures that show up when the annoying humans finally stop talking about their own issues.

Two of the hybrids, Nibs and Curly, are starting to get more screentime and one of them hates being what she is while the other is jealous of Wendy and wants to be Boy Kavalier’s favorite. Considering that these are children’s minds in somewhat grown-up bodies, the latter is creepy and unnecessary — because if I want to watch Silence of the Groomers, I won’t be watching something advertised as Alien: Earth. 

Seriously, who watches an Alien show for tired babbles about “Man or machine, which is worse?”, especially when one done in such a tired and boring way?

Oh, and after a whole lot of nothing, Wendy wakes up — recovering from her killing of the xenomorph and all that — and faints in a room full of ovomorphs. By now, it is starting to look like it’s going to be a pattern of each episode to remind me of the xenomorphs at the end, only to proceed in the next episode to focus on idiots being idiots instead.

So, this is another episode of what has so far been a really boring ride that has nothing interesting to show me. The xenomorphs are ineffective, the intrigue is lame, and the hybrids that hog the screen time are dumb and annoying. It hasn’t even been a fun kind of bad, it’s just flat and dull. 

I’m definitely needing some libations to get me through the next five episodes without falling into a coma.