St Martin’s Press, $7.99, ISBN 978-0-312-60538-4
Historical Romance, 2010
Hella Boring Leo
(With apologies to Lady Gaga)
I know that you were both young then
And I know you were in love
But I just can’t take your whining anymore
Boring Leo
Leo Hathaway
Is all a cliché
His wife died and
Now he won’t love this way
He pokes it ev’rywhere
Because he’s hurting
Catherine Marks dyes her hair
And he’s drooling
Because he’s hot and full of glam
It’s not sexual harassment
When he screams at her to scram
Even as he shoves a hand up her railment
Don’t call my name
Don’t call my name
Boring Leo
I’m not your babe
I’m not your babe
Donkey-o lame-o
Don’t care a bit
Don’t wanna know
Just go suck an egg and hush
Don’t call my name
Don’t call my name
El Emo Porko
El stupido Leo
El boring-o Leo
Cliché Leo emo
Emo Porko Leo
Emo Porko Leo
Just stop
Please
Just let it go
El emo porko
Just let it go
She’s not a whore
But she almost
Became a mistress
To a smelly old goat
Now she’s a governess
Full of lore
Hiding behind
Ugly hair and clothes
She doesn’t want to be a slut
So she puts out to him for free
When he wants to marry her
She’s so getting outta here
Don’t call my name
Don’t call my name
Boring Leo
You’re such a bore
She’s such a bore
Donkey-o-lame-o
Read this before
A million times
This story ain’t fresh an encore
Don’t call my name
Don’t call my name
El Emo Porko
