Columbia
R&B, 2013

John Legend isn’t bashful when it comes to what he wants to do to hot women. In The Beginning, he croons lasciviously, “Soon as I saw you, baby, I had plans/Plans to do it ’til we have a baby.” Ladies, Mr Legend doesn’t just want to make sweet love to you, he wants to knock you up – yes, all of you – and, hopefully, he’d be just as generous with the child support as he is with his baby goo.

Love in the Future is a collection of soulful and dreamy anthems designed to get everybody into the mood. There’s no harm in that, as love is surely the most wonderful thing in the world. However, there is a danger of things becoming too cheesy and sentimental here. However, it is hard to resist this fellow even when he’s drowning in his own cheese. When he croons lines like these from the gorgeous ballad All of Me, I can just die:

You’re my downfall, you’re my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can’t stop singing, it’s ringing, in my head for you

You & I (Nobody in the World) is easily the most corny song in this collection of sickly sweet songs for making babies, but with a smooth and seductive voice like that, lines such as these just make me want to melt:

You fix your make up just so
Guess you don’t know that you’re beautiful
Try on every dress that you own
You were fine in my eyes a half hour ago

The way he wields lines like “You’re my one and only girl” – on paper, one of the most unoriginal pick-up lines a bloke can come up with – just like a weapon of mass destruction to destroy the hearts and defenses of his listeners – that should be considered illegal, somehow.

At any rate, John Legend wants to create an album that is designed to let him procreate with you, you, you, and you while promising that the whole experience would be sublime. Is it too embarrassing to admit that I’m a bit curious – just a bit, really! – to know where the line starts at?