Delilah Devlin, $0.99, ISBN 978-1533795274
Contemporary Erotica, 2015

Delilah Devlin’s Lily’s Last Stand, from what I can see, first appeared in something that is respectably called Strokes, Vol 1, but the author has expanded and revised it to become this thing that I am reading now.

Given the length of this thing, that’s like adding one millimeter to a micropeen, but hey, it still counts, right?

In this one, Lily Newcomb is going to give her husband Brent a surprise.

Lily Newcomb checked her makeup in the rearview mirror. She wore a new shade of lipstick—“Waitress Red”—on her lips with a slick of gloss to wet them. Brent used to say red lips made him think of blowjobs. She pouted her mouth at her reflection. That ought to make him sit up and take notice.

Wait, waitressing is synonymous with giving oral services now? Clearly, I have been going to the wrong eateries, because those are pretty respectable and none of the wait staff ever offered me any extra services. Come to think of it, I don’t believe they wear red. Maybe there is something about waitressing in America that I am clearly not aware of.

Back to Lily’s waitressing gig, Brent has his own surprise. Hey, babe, how about another guy in the bed? This pleases Lily because every woman knows that two dongs are better than one so yay.

That’s basically the story. Maybe I’ve read too often around the block, but I am perplexed as to how a three-person bed rattle and roll session can end up being so… ordinary. It’s just standard “1-2-3; kiss, lick, stroke” instruction manual stuff punctuated by rote oohs and aahs that the whole thing could have been a mundane stroll on a slow and lazy day. 

Still, the whole thing had been a quick, if forgettable, read, and I don’t feel annoyed by the whole thing, so I suppose this one rests on the side of acceptable.

Three oogies, then, although I wish this one had been far worse so that there is something for me to remember it by, and yes, that’s me damning it with faint praise.