Main cast: Gitte Witt (Leonora), Thomas Gullestad (Jacob), Thorbjørn Harr (Mathias), Tuva Olivia Remman (Alice), Kingsford Siayor (Lars), Maria Grazia Di Meo (Kathrine), Jonatan Rodriguez (David), and Trine Wiggen (Rakel)
Director: Jarand Herdal

I watch Kadaver, a Norwegian horror flick, because Kingsford Siayor is in it, and sadly, he doesn’t get naked or at least show off his beauteous bulges. In hindsight, I should have watched something else, as this is one movie that is determined to spoil itself ahead of time.

The movie is set in Norway after a nuclear disaster. No food, no water, no money—everyone is starving and dying, but hey, there is one place in town that offers a night of entertainment and lots of warm food, for the price of a ticket per individual. Leonora buys the tickets for her, her husband Jacob, and their daughter Alice.

Try to act shocked when they learn that the food served are of previous guests on previous evenings. Sure, the title of the movie and the poster art are dead giveaways, plus one has to be super oblivious not to even wonder a bit where all the food come from when food is scarce everywhere else, but yeah, let us all act shocked during the revelation, so that director and screenwriter Jarand Herdal will feel a sense of accomplishment instead of moping sadly at our lack of appreciation of his work of art.

The movie has some nice set pieces, but the bulk of it is building up to this supposedly shocking revelation that most people would have correctly deduced the moment they looked at the poster of this film. Now that’s quite a bit of work wasted.

The conclusion of the film will be great or dumb depending on how the audience looks at the situation. Leonora nobly chooses to drag her daughter out with her back outside, rejecting the hotel owner’s offer to join them and live in luxury, provided that she assists them in securing their next meals among future hotel guests. Sure, her choice inadvertently sees her being an indirect cause of her husband’s death, and her daughter will likely starve out there, or if Leonora dies first, it would sure be fun to be a little girl alone in such a place. But hey, people, she made her stand, so I guess that makes her… strong and awesome?

I don’t know. I would have happily stayed and be a happy cannibal given the circumstances, but that’s just me. It’s also just me thinking that Leonora is a fatally stupid wretch and the entire movie is a waste of my time. This is one Kadaver that doesn’t much life in it in the first place.