Main cast: Shawn Roberts (Tom O’Bannon), Maya Misaljevic (Grace Foster), Joelle Farrow (Phoebe), Tara Spencer-Nairn (Barb Foster), Michael Therriault (Gill Foster), Samantha Helt (Christine), Kelly Penner (Mike), Jesse Buck (Bernie), Marqus Bobesich (Spinhead), Channing Decker (Loverboy), Marc-André Boulanger (Meat), Jimmy Limb (Slackjaw), Glen Michael Grant (The Jackyl), and Dee Snider (The Head)
Director: Daniel Turres
Whoa Shawn Roberts has gone all meathead in Here for Blood. Either he’s stumbled upon an unlimited supply of PEDs or he’s switching career to bodybuilding, and I find myself missing the cuter Mr Roberts that doesn’t look like a flesh golem.
Still, his appearance makes perfect sense here, as he plays Tom O’Bannon, a wrestler that isn’t exactly raking in the dough.
When he reluctantly agrees to fill in for his girlfriend Phoebe’s babysitting gig, little does he know that he would soon be dealing with masked intruders that couldn’t decide between looking like boomer KISS fans or WWE rejects and decided why not both.
Now, who would’ve thought those wrestling moves would come in handy? To think people say that wrestling is fake!
Mr Roberts is actually surprisingly good here as he plays this guy who is way out of his depths babysitting, only to thankfully get to kick ass when the distractions show up. He has a good kind of chemistry going with the brat Grace, who is not annoying at all and is even endearing at times, and he also displays some good comedic timing and rhythm here.
Yes, this movie is a comedy with gore, and he is pretty solid in delivery the comedy as well as the physicality of the action man stuff. In fact, the whole thing is like a very grown-up version of Home Alone meets The Strangers meets cosmic portal of doom.
The fight scenes are solid, in the sense that the blows feel real and hard hitting, nothing like those crappy recent MCU stuff, and the movie is generous too when it comes to gore and violence.
At the same time, I really like how Tom can go up against the bad guys without coming off as too unrealistic or too obviously protected by plot armor. He gets beaten up bad here, and it’s a good thing that the luck and a perplexing ability to lose a huge amount of blood over time without at least fainting are both on his side.
The humor is touch and go, however, and Phoebe is a very annoying character saddled with the thankless task of insisting that no one gets killed or needing to be rescued like an irritating baggage that should have been tossed into the ocean long ago.
Also, the events at the end seem to have somehow found their way here from a completely different movie, and I find myself scratching my head by the time the credits roll.
Still, all things considered, this is a pretty fun way to soak in some cheery gore and violence. Just don’t expect too much from the movie—enjoy instead the lead actor stealing the show and valiantly dragging it to the bitter end on his humongous roided shoulders.
