Main cast: Damon D’Oliveira (Mike), Rob Stefaniuk (Ben), Don Francks (Red Beard), and John Kassir (The Crypt Keeper)
Director: Laura Shepherd
The day is here!
Let freedom ring, let the white dove sing
Let the whole world know that today is a day of reckoning
Oh, sorry, I’m channeling Martina McBride’s Independence Day at the moment. Oh, I’m not belittling the experiences and strengths of abuse survivors, of course; just like in the song, I’m tempted to set fire to this series and scream at it to pay, pay, pay. Then I remember that there are two more seasons of this thing, and sigh. Maybe I’ll get back to it once the tedium fades, because this season has been one long underwhelming bore so far, with the occasional poke in the eye.
Yes, Ghost Ship is the final episode of the first season and I can barely conceal my glee that this whole ordeal will soon be over.
Two dumb himbos Mike and Ben decide to surf like pros one fine day, only they are better at doing impersonations of that brain-damaged Ninja Turtle sibling no one wants to acknowledge—Mike even has this vaguely racist “Hello, I sound like a Jamaicon pothead mon, dude!” accent to him—that at being pros. They steal the boat of Ben’s father to do their thing, only to quickly sink it, and Mike actually says what seems like the four letter word, ooh.
Drowning will probably be an act of mercy for these two, but instead, they see a ship coming toward them. They climb onboard only to realize that they are on Red Beard’s ship. He’s a ghoul and his crew are skeletons…
You know, I find myself becoming increasingly annoyed by Damon D’Oliveira’s accent as the episode progresses. No, it’s not because I find it racist; rather, it distracts me to no end. Is Ben from outside America, because there’s no other reason to explain that accent. There is that implication of racism in the sense that this heavily accented black man is also as dumb as rocks, but to be fair, Ben is dumb as well. In fact, Don Francks’s half-arsed “Me, matey… whatever!” pirate accent is annoying too, and this entire episode is like death by annoying accents.
The episode is dumb, composed of people falling and jumping and doing things that are equivalent of monkeys jumping up and down while making loud noises to entertain dumb kids that don’t know any better.
Still, who cares. I’m out of here. Freedom, baby!
