Lightyear
Pop, 2023

Well, it’s public knowledge that Sophie B Hawkins ended her 17-year old relationship with Gigi Gaston prior to releasing Free Myself, her first album in 11 years, and yes, it is exactly what one would expect such an album to be: full of “I love myself” sentiments, defiant cries of having found freedom to be herself, and plenty of passive-aggressive jabs at the ex.

Still, unlike, say Tori Amos, Ms Hawkins’s mellowing over the years still resonates with me. I suspect that this is because her music as well as her public façade are far more relatable. While she has toned down considerably the edgy sensuality in her early day music, this toning down feels natural. After all, when one grows older, one often realizes that there is no need to keep trying to shock the world, to show the world that you are your own person. What is most important is to discover one’s self worth and embrace what makes us who we are, both our strengths and weaknesses.

Hence, the anthems in this one feel very much true to Ms Hawkins’ musicality all these years, hence there is a sincerity and honesty to the otherwise trite divorce anthems present here.

Even the songs here feel very much like her brand, with her musical identity, although there is enough variety here to avoid the impression that this album is filled with variations of the same song served over and over.

In fact, in many ways, the songs here could be viewed as a mellow, sometimes more bitter, sometimes more evocative epilogues to her earlier songs.

Consume Me in Your Fire, for example, is a sensual bookend to Live and Let Love, while Hungered for Love is an uplifting song that makes for a beautiful love duology when paired with As I Lay Me Down. While it has nowhere the religious overtones of Saviour Child, Green Eyes can be easily seen as the mother’s love song to that same child, years later, as the child remains her bedrock and reason for living even as disillusionment with the rest of the world sets in.

Of course, there are the middle fingers to the ex. I’m Tired of Taking Care of You is exactly what it says, and together with Love Yourself and the title track, all come together to tell the story of how the protagonist is now in happier place now that she’s out of a toxic relationship and putting her life back together into more liberating and fulfilling.

This culminates with the most mainstream pop song Better Off Without You, where Ms Hawkins doesn’t hold back at all. She alleges that her ex lied to her, slept with her best friend, and suffocated her into living her life just for the ex. Still, she hopes that the ex “will heal your heart”, which is actually a catty middle finger as this song starts and ends with the same line: You lied to my face. No, she’s not forgiving her ex anytime soon!

Still, as overdone as such anthems can be, there are some feels to be had in line such as:

My whole life was about you
And now I’m finding mine

It’s scary to lose you
I thought you were my best part
But I’m better off without you

The songs here lack an instant hook, although Better Off Without You comes close to being a ear wax, but there is a genuine-seeming emotional honesty behind the songs that make them an arresting listen. This is an independent release, so there is a charming demo-tape feel to things at times, but this only underscores the raw emotions simmering under the surface in this album.

All in all, Free Myself is a great return to top form for Sophie B Hawkins. It sucks that she gets back up there because of a broken relationship, but she says that she’s happier now, so I suppose I can feel less guilty about enjoying the songs, heh.

No, really, there are divorce albums, and then then there are divorce albums that hit the feels hard. This one definitely falls into the latter camp.