Main cast: Josh Hutcherson (Mike Schmidt), Elizabeth Lail (Vanessa Shelley), Piper Rubio (Abby Schmidt), Mary Stuart Masterson (Aunt Jane), and Matthew Lillard (Steve Raglan)
Director: Emma Tammi
Mike Schmidt is an unhappy bloke. He can’t keep a job because he has issues with insubordination, and he was fired from his most recent security job when he mistook a boy’s father for a kidnapper and beat the man bloody in front of everyone.
The last part is due to his own guilt issues: he was supposed to watch his brother during the family camping trip but the boy was kidnapped, never to be seen again.
Now, his parents are gone and he has custody over his younger sister Abby, but his aunt Jane wants custody of that girl, mostly because she wants the monthly payments from the state that comes with the custody of the girl. Meanwhile, Abby talks to her imaginary friends more than she does to her brother, and Mike also pops sleeping pills every night because he can’t sleep from all the dreams he keeps having about his kidnapped brother and all.
Still, in an effort to give himself a case to keep custody of Abby should Jane haul his ass to court, Mike reluctantly accepts a job offer suggested by career counselor Steve Raglan: late night security at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria… once the site of the gruesome murders of five children.
Five Nights at Freddy’s, everyone.
Given that Mike looks like Josh Hutcherson, perhaps starting an OnlyFans account to take off his clothes and wiggle his cake would have been a less painful career route…
Okay, let me get straight to the point: I’m surprised by how dull this movie is. For something that has killer animatronics, it spends way too much time focusing on broody Mike giving that “I’m half dead” smoldering look. I mean, okay, Mr Hutcherson looks cute, but the character is bland and forgettable, so focusing so much on him leads to an excitement-free fare.
Since this is a Blumhouse Productions flick, the usual formula applies, especially all those unearned abrupt jump scares that lead to no pay off and the obligatory teleporting nun demon animatronics that always pops up from behind a character because getting the audience to go “Boo-yah! A loud noise! I’m so scared!” is far more important than anything else.
The plot isn’t any better, as somehow everything is tied up to Mike’s trauma. Abby is the predictable “special child” archetype that of course saves the day using the method that has been hammered into me early in the movie by means of a not-subtle-at-all monologue about how that annoying girl’s “gift” will one day save lives.
Mind you, Abby goes from clichéd Hollywood special child to seemingly normal girl overnight, after witnessing in and precipitating acts of violence and murder, so something tells me that she’s going to start going all psycho serial killer on everyone soon.
Perhaps the biggest misstep here is to have the movie play out more like the main character’s personal angst trip instead of a comedy, because it’s hard to make compelling drama out of characters that are one-dimensional stereotypes and a plot that relies heavily on all kinds of unbelievable coincidences and happenstances—especially when the killer animatronics for the most part don’t do much killing and instead the movie has annoying child actors running around mouthing lines in a stilted manner.
This kind of execution needs compelling characters and a good story, which are absent here. Skip this destination, go watch Willy’s Wonderland or The Banana Splits Movie instead for actual killer animatronic movies that have their priorities right.
