Main cast: Marlon Wayans (Christian Black), Kali Hawk (Hannah Steale), Jane Seymour (Claire Black), Fred Willard (Gary Black), and Jenny Zigrino (Kateesha Kavahellnah)
Director: Michael Tiddes

Okay, this is bad. It’s somewhat funny if you don’t mind low-brow vulgar jokes – this is a movie that has a Wayan brother involved in the main role and the script, after all.  In this one, Hannah Steale stands in for her friend, a white girl named Kateesha who insists that she is black, because Kateesha has chlamydia. Christian Black steals cars and money, makes his millions from selling drugs and touching penises – “If you don’t like touching penises, it’s not gay, it’s ‘exploratory’!” – and is a two-stroke man.

There is some novelty factor in seeing Jane Seymour play a racist, haughty, snobbish Republican matriarch who adopts “underprivileged children” because that makes a great conversation-opener at charity events, and even better, Marlon Wayans gets shirtless a lot, and that man is fine. Okay, neck up, he is starting to resemble Tony Todd, especially with that haircut, but neck down, mmm hmm, baby. The part when he strips down to a pair of red thongs to wiggle that cake is most likely a body double in action, but Mr Wayans’s front view is perfectly fine and I have to give him credit for his dedication in giving people a reason to watch this movie.

Anyway, yes, Fifty Shades of Black is nowhere as funny or smart as it could be, but Mr Wayans is a sight indeed in those white shirts that cling to the contour of his torso as well as out of. Okay, nothing here beats him having sex with a doll, but who’s complaining? Not me.

So, rent it for the eye candy, if you wish. That’s okay, nobody has to know, and if they know, they most likely won’t blame you.