Main cast: Ali Larter (Pam Spinster), C Thomas Howell (Sam Spinster), Iman Benson (Morgue), Josh McDermitt (Harlan), Keith David (Murdoch), and Ashley Laurence (Brenda)
Directors: Axelle Carolyn and Greg Nicotero
The unifying theme for this episode is “Aim for the bullseye, miss by a mile”, but then again, that’s basically the entire theme of this show. They just don’t make horror anthology shows like they used to back in those days, I tell you.
In the first segment, Dead and Breakfast, siblings Pam and Sam Spinster run the Spinster House, a bed and breakfast that is also a monument to the dubious achievements of the Old Lady Spinster, their grandmother. Unfortunately, their hokey “murder reenactments” and “scare tours” only drive their rare guests away, much to Pam’s consternation. Sam would very much prefer that they sell the place and move elsewhere, but Pam, who must be a fan of that crap show American Horror Story: Murder House, believes that it is up to them to get America to recognize and acknowledge their grandmother’s great accomplishment of being America’s first female serial killer.
In order to get themselves some free publicity, they decide to invite over the host of The Morgue Files, an influencer that makes live streams of her stays at various murder houses around the country. Unfortunately, Morgue only pooh-poohs everything about “Lady Spinster” and the house, and even openly expresses her doubts as to whether Old Lady Spinster was even a serial killer. This doesn’t sit well with Pam one bit, oh no.
This is a pretty standard episode of its kind, albeit with a climax that anyone can see coming from a mile away. It’s not like these folks are even trying to be subtle about it. Ali Larter and Iman Benson try their best to camp it out, but the script is neither clever not witty enough for them to do much with what they are given. Also, the segment drags on unnecessarily for a while longer after the episode hits its climax, making me wonder about the sense of pacing and timing of the editing team of this show.
The next segment Pesticide is horrible, making the previous segment look at least a hundred times better than it actually is by comparison. An unlikable exterminator Harlan is approached by a sinister landlord, Murdoch, to get rid of some pests in Murdoch’s property. Oops, it turns out that the pests in question are homeless people squatting on his property. Can Harlan go ahead and do the deed?
I’d think a segment revolving around pests will throw at me creepy scenes involving vermin and bugs, but no. The entire segment is bright, too bright to be frightening, and there is hardly any creepy moment at all. It’s just Harlan bumbling around and raging at his shrink before finally reaching peak bad special effects for a climactic moment that actually compelled me to look up the screenwriter’s name on IMBD so that I can find out the name and face of the person that has inflicted such a mortal insult on me. Phew, let’s just say that as far as screenwriting credits go, I think I don’t have to fear about stumbling over more often of Frank Dietz’s stuff in the future. He’s not exactly hot property.
This first segment earns this episode its second oogie, but all in all, one is better off skipping the entire thing altogether. Life is too short to have to sit through so much relentless mediocrity.
