Main cast: Alex MacNicoll (Colton), Genevieve Hannelius (Heather), Martin Kove (Magnus) and Jeremy J Tutson (Michael)
Director: Jax Medel
Ever wondered what you’d get if you threw The Babysitter’s Club, Rear Window, and a dash of satanic panic into a blender? No? Well, too bad, because Day 13 is here to answer that question nobody asked!
Our story follows Colton, a 17-year-old boy forced into babysitting duty by his mother, who’s apparently auditioning for Worst Parent of the Year. Unable to deal with being a single parent, Mom’s off on a “me-time” vacation, leaving Colton to deal with his bratty 12-year-old sister. Because nothing says “I’m dealing with my issues” quite like creating new ones for your kids, right?
Just when Colton thinks his summer can’t get any worse, new neighbors move in next door. Enter Heather, the girl-next-door who makes Colton’s heart go pitter-patter faster than you can say “predictable teen romance”. But wait! Is that the faint sound of satanic chanting coming from Heather’s house? Or is it just the collective groan of the audience?
For a good chunk of the movie, you’ll find yourself wondering if you accidentally stumbled into a slightly edgier episode of Goosebumps. It’s like Stranger Things-lite, but without the budget, charm, or, well, strange things.
The real horror of this film isn’t the supposed satanic cult, but Colton’s younger sister. She’s so obnoxious, you’ll find yourself rooting for the cultists. I haven’t wanted a child to disappear this badly since Jar Jar Binks in Star Wars.
As for the twist, let’s just say M Night Shyamalan can rest easy knowing his crown for unexpected turns is safe. The “big reveal” is about as surprising as finding out water is wet. But hold onto your popcorn, folks, because the last 15-or-so minutes of this film come out of nowhere like a caffeinated squirrel on a sugar rush. It’s so different from the rest of the movie, you’ll wonder if someone switched reels when you weren’t looking.
In conclusion, Day 13 is the perfect movie for when you’re too lazy to change the channel, your remote batteries are dead, and you’ve already organized your sock drawer twice. It’s 90 minutes of your life you’ll never get back, but hey, at least it’s not 91 minutes!
