Main cast: Kathryn Hahn (Agatha Harkness), Joe Locke (Teen), Sasheer Zamata (Jennifer Kale), Ali Ahn (Alice Wu-Gulliver), Okwui Okpokwasili (Vertigo), Patti LuPone (Lilia Calderu), and Aubrey Plaza (Rio Vidal)
Director: Rachel Goldberg
I’ve tried, folks. I really have. But no amount of alcohol in my glass or my chocolates can help me find anything to like about Agatha All Along. At this point, I’m convinced the chocolates have more depth than the plot.
In Darkest Hour / Wake Thy Power, it becomes painfully clear that the people behind this story are content with doing the same episode over and over until they’ve met their contracted number of episodes. Say what you will about the reboot of Charmed, but at least those people are copying from a much better original version. This show, on the other hand, seems to be made by people who have a flimsy concept and no clear vision of how to keep things interesting for a whole season. It’s like watching someone try to stretch a single joke into a 10-hour stand-up special.
So, in this episode, just like the previous two (because why fix what’s already broken, right?), our bumberclod witches and poor Teen—whom I’m starting to relate to a lot because he seems to be resenting the stupidity of the much older characters he’s stuck with—continue along the magical Road. They encounter yet another flimsy threat and a set piece moment, this time being sent back to some 1970s scenario. Alas, without Jason Vorhees to do them all in and put us out of our misery. At this point, I’m rooting for any masked killer to show up and end this magical misery tour.
I really wish I could love this episode, as I adore Patti LuPone and Kathryn Hahn on a good day. But the terrible script is doing them and the other cast members no favors. It’s like watching Meryl Streep perform a script written by a toddler who just learned what a knock-knock joke is. The humor misses the mark, ranking somewhere between a bad episode of Scooby-Doo and the Teletubbies just flinging dirt around. I found my attention wandering often while watching the show, to the point where I started counting the lint on my sweater for entertainment.
The moral of this story is to leave comedy to the professionals. It’s harder than it looks, and there are more bad jokers than good ones out there. In fact, I’m starting to think the real witchcraft here is how they’ve managed to make a show with such talented actors so utterly unwatchable. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go find a magic spell to erase the last hour of my life.
