Main cast: Stephanie Morgenstern, John Gilbert, Rino Romano, Hadley Kay, Colin O’Meara, Tracey Moore, Don Francks (The Hunter), Dominic Zamprogna (Simon), Sabrina Jamieson (Sally), Robert Bockstael, Elizabeth Hanna (The Old Witch), and John Kassir (The Crypt Keeper)
Director: Laura Shepherd
It’s double creature feature time as this episode of Tales from the Cryptkeeper unleashes two shorter segments for the viewing time of one. Isn’t this exciting?
In Cold Blood, Warm Heart, there’s a green, scaly sea creature is terrifying the folks in Culver Bay. Naturally, this can’t be allowed to happen, so the local “legend” Mac Riker decides to eliminate this thing.
This hurts the feels of that lady that always has to be here in such a situation, claiming that we shouldn’t destroy things that we have no idea about, as the creature may just be afraid or misunderstood or whatever. Identified only as “Missy”, she knows that the creature ripped a sea cruiser into shreds, but still, every living creature deserves a hug!
The idiots behind this show, even the Old Witch, say that people want to destroy the sea creature just because it is “different”, conveniently pretending that they didn’t show in the opening episode how this creature tears into a sea cruiser just because it is mad that that one guy on it are fishing. Is gaslighting the audience a thing now?
Clearly, this episode is clearly dedicated to eco-terrorists, because it teaches folks that it’s perfectly fine to maim and destroy evil people like tourists, fishermen, and other folks that keep the economy going and stomachs filled.
Oh, and I know this show is meant for kids, which makes me look at the people behind the show with double the side eye. “Sherrif”, seriously? Did nobody check these things anymore, or are these people mentally inadequate for the job?
Well, at least they spell “Sheriff” correctly in the next segment, The Spider and the Flies.
Spiders have overrun a small town, but a sinister masked exterminator claims that he can get rid of these eight-legged creatures… for a super high price. Simon, who’s nuts about these eight-legged creatures, believes that he may be able to find a solution to the problem, if he could just shake off his obnoxious sister Sally.
Sally is drawn like like a 40-year old midget rather than a prepubescent squeak, which is creepy to look at, and for a long time, I am expecting this abomination to turn out to a monstrous fiend, perhaps the queen spider, but no, this episode is not that imaginative. The villain is obvious, and the moral of the story is to let an obnoxious sister run one’s life, because she may be the key to salvation.
However, I think most people would rather die than to have to accommodate that ugly stunted mutant’s constant needy demands for attention.
All in all, here are two impressively stupid segments for the viewing time of a single episode. How can anyone resist?
