Liquid Silver Publishing, $3.99, ISBN 978-1-59578-666-1
Fantasy Romance, 2010
Have you ever wanted to read about a bear shagging a lion? No, really. Jacob, the bear, and Meg, the lioness, don’t need silly costumes to put on the furry pornographic fantasy. No, baby, they are the real thing, fur and all.
Margaret is a lioness, which means she and the rest of the females in her pride undergo rather mechanical shagging with the few males around in order to strengthen the pride. This isn’t The Lion King, that’s for sure, and no, Meg isn’t too keen on being part of the circle of life since she’s sure that there has to be a life less degrading than submitting to the careless and passionless five-minute shagging of some guy twice a month. She finally flees to Strange Hollow, everyone’s friendly spooky home, where she meets Jacob, our bear hero who’d screw anything that couldn’t climb a tree fast enough – and for those who could, they’d probably have to watch him hump the tree trunk.
I turn the pages. Wait, is that a sex scene? I think so – I blinked at the wrong second. And then, some fighting, some shagging, and it’s the end.
That’s it. It’s the end.
I have nothing to say about this story because there is nothing for me to say. I can only blink in befuddlement because the author takes some time to set up the story, and then, when the hero and the heroine finally meet, the story ends in less than a dozen pages later. I feel like Meg early in the story. I blink, and… that’s it? Can’t Bear It? More like WTF Is It?!! as I can’t feel one thing.
We have a bear shagging a lion with plenty of punchlines waiting to be unleashed – just imagine their kids – and Ms Kyle couldn’t muster up some extra effort to make this story deliver even a single punchline? What a waste of time and money.
