Main cast: Jason Biggs (Jim Levenstein), Shannon Elizabeth (Nadia), Alyson Hannigan (Michelle Flaherty), Chris Klein (Oz), Natasha Lyonne (Jessica), Thomas Ian Nicholas (Kevin Myers), Tara Reid (Vicky), Seann William Scott (Stifler), Mena Suvari (Heather), and Eddie Kaye Thomas (Finch)
Director: James B Rogers

The sequel to – what else? – American Pie, American Pie 2 makes a colossal mistake. In the original movie, it’s all about boys being reined in by the smart girls. In this sequel, it’s all about bad boys behaving stupid. The former is fun, the latter is best left to the gross-out prepubescent horny boys crowd.

This time around, the entire gang is back for college summer break. Oz and Heather are still going strong, but Heather’s in France and they spend time cooing at each other in aborted phone sex attempts. That’s all they do, so we can put them under “Waste of Space”. Vicky and the failed jock-wannabe Kevin have broken up when he left for college, but Kevin realizes he can’t get over her. They meet at the beginning, say hi, and they hook up suddenly at the end. Again, waste of space. But the rule of three they bring up is interesting. Wish I knew that in my college days.

So who’s important, or rather, who has a story? Well, Stifler is here, but all he does is to get pissed on (literally) or be an obnoxious (read: not at all lovable) freak. And Jim, ah, Jim. Apart from a lame escapade involving his left hand, a bottle of superglue, a lesbian porno tape, and his pie-poker, he also tries to get Michelle, that flute babe that ripped apart his cherry in the first movie, to teach him to be a man for Nadia, that internet striptease babe that Jim can’t hold his load for in the original.

Grossed out yet? If you aren’t a frat boy dreaming of scoring with Shannon Elizabeth, chances are you will be even more grossed out at the way Stifler and Jim seem to get all those hot chicks clamoring for a piece of them. I mean, what the heck did Nadia and Michelle even see in Jim? How insulting. Surely we women have better taste than to go for men with no redeeming adult behavior whatsoever.

But at least Michelle actually shows more than one expression. Three, counting the bizarro-slut face, the sad-because-Jim-loves-Nadia face, and the I-hope-my-career-isn’t-ruined-by-my-appearing-in-this-piece-of-crap Alyson Hannigan face. If you listen carefully, that’s her agent screaming for mercy as Ms Hannigan threatens to go medieval with that flute of hers.

Oh, and I like Finch. He’s so pathetic and adorable as a lad who can’t get over his crush for Stifler’s mom. Never mind that I have no idea what he thinks he is going to achieve in that hideous tantric robes of his, but he’s cute. And of the lot, if I am a teenage girl unfortunate enough to have to choose from the losers, I’ll go for him.

American Pie 2 is just like that pie in the original movie after it got raped by Jim. It stinks, and it’s very hard to go down the throat. I want my Dramamine.