Main cast: Jackie Earle Haley (Freddy Krueger), Kyle Gallner (Quentin Smith), Rooney Mara (Nancy Holbrook), Katie Cassidy (Kris Fowler), Thomas Dekker (Jessie Braun), Connie Britton (Gwen Holbrook), Clancy Brown (Alan Smith), and Kellan Lutz (Dean Russell)
Director: Samuel Bayer

Since he made his debut on the big screen in 1984, the hideously burned monster Freddy Krueger with his clawed glove has become so well-known in popular culture that it is hard to experience any suspense when it comes to him. Pretty much everyone knows what he looks like, what he does (killing teenagers in their dreams), and how he does it. Also, Freddy becomes increasingly hammy with each subsequent sequel that he now comes off more like a buffoon than a menacing villain.

This remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street, therefore, faces a huge uphill battle right out of the gate. The only thing noteworthy here is how Freddy is now portrayed as a pedophile instead of a serial killer that targets children, which I understand was the original intention for Freddy. The rest is familiar fare: Freddy targets the children of the parents who caught up with him and killed him after he tried to flee the scene once his activities were known, and these teenagers desperately try not to sleep as they are cut down one by one.

Jackie Earle Haley tries valiantly to step in Robert Englund’s shoes, and the rest of the cast try their best to do something – anything – with their one-dimensional roles, but there is hardly any suspense here. Everything has been seen and done before. With the characters being so one-dimensional, it’s hard to care for them. Not to mention, the cutest guy dies first and the guy that survives ranks the lowest on the eye candy scale. Priorities, people.

At the end of the day, this movie is basically an ugly guy in a silly sweater chopping down some people. Good for him, but I’m bored and I’d like to watch something else more interesting.