Main cast: Robert Sacchi (Lou Spinelli), John Lithgow (Dr Oscar Charles), Isabella Rossellini (Betty Spinelli), Sherilyn Fenn (Erika), Julie Ariola (Doris), and John Kassir (The Crypt Keeper)
Director: Robert Zemeckis
You, Murderer has an interesting gimmick, at the very least. Not only did they bring back Robert Zemeckis to direct, they also use archived footage of Humphrey Bogart while creating an entirely new un-Bogart story, and Humphrey Bogart’s lookalike Robert Sacchi provides the voice of the character. Mind you, this episode doesn’t have a huge budget, so it’s probably for the best that it “cheats” by having the episode filmed entirely from protagonist Lou Spinelli’s point of view, so we don’t get to see Lou’s voice coming out awkwardly from Humphrey Bogart whose lips are either not moving or are clearly saying something else, heh. This episode also sees the Crypt Keeper poking fun at Forrest Gump, always a good thing in my book! Mr Zemeckis can be such a good sport, heh.
Basically, Lou was a wanted criminal who managed to break out of prison and get a new face, thanks to his accomplice and the top plastic surgeon in the country, Dr Oscar Charles. Now looking like Humphrey Bogart, Lou reinvents himself a legitimate businessman. When the episode opens, however, he gets an unwelcome blast from the past when his shrewish wife from his old life, Betty, calls him up claiming that she knows what his game is and adding that she is aware of how he asked Oscar to send men to kill her back then. His plan failed, clearly, and she’s calling the police, muahahaha. He storms her place, only to realize that the whole thing is a trap set up by Betty and her lover – Oscar, of course – and they want to kill him.
On the bright side, Robert Sacchi’s deadpan delivery is a hoot, while Isabella Rossellini and John Lithgow are just fun to watch as evil yet bumbling partners in crime. Ms Rossellini, especially, is a delight as she gleefully pays homage to her mother in a devilishly evil and hilarious role. However, the episode is a bit too mundane for its own good, rehashing the same shtick present in Abra Cadaver but without any decent context, and the payoff is quite anticlimactic as well. Strip away the use of Mr Bogart’s image – and come to think of it, this gimmick isn’t necessary at all to the story line – and what is left is an average Tales from the Crypt episode. But in this season, average is like gold so… I guess, we can say the season closes on a high note? Whatever, it’s over, so we can all breathe a sigh of relief now.