Main cast: Anthonia Whillans (Charlotte Devere), Jon-Paul Gates (Reverend Peter James), Stacey Edward Harris (Roxanne Ferguson), Lucy Marshall (Jennifer Rodgers), Hans Hernke (Andy Russo), Peter Mahoney (Maxwell Jones), Alexander Halsall (Roland Jacobson), Kevin Johnson (The Werewolf), Adam Varah (Eric McGowan), Paris LaLonde (Danny Lopez), Michael Della Pia (Ricky Dematteo), BJ Mezek (Shelby Kromer), Bill Victor Arucan (Micky Sanchez), Chris Sanders (Detective Inspector Luke Shane), William Marshall (Detective Constable Jed Spencer), Jimmy “The Bee” Bennett (The Taxi Driver), Alice Creed (Muad Finnegan), Mia Mills (Megan Cartwright), Pete Gibson (Archibald Lewis), Shawn Alexander Thompson (Anthony Ramos), Marie Cooper (Lizzy Bowden), Marvin Maddicks Jr (Will Thomas), Bella Toste (Maria Novak), Amy DiLorenzo (Kelly Roberts), Dave Shecter (Ben Jackson), Lisa Hinds (Molly Brown), Michelle Hill (Marsha Philips), Ana Harrison (Lacey Duvall), Lani Della Pia (Lisa Daniels), Edward Stachyra (Ted Rubinski), Kiley Opsal (Caroline Kiefer), Chris Cordell (Bill Carmichael), Glynis Stewart (Ethel Carmichael), Dani Thompson (Maria Simpson), and Vernon Wells (Captain Henry Sullivan)
Director: Chris Sanders

Holy crap, look at names in the main billing. You’d think Werewolf Cabal is a huge event film like Avengers: Infinity War or something, but no, it’s just the people behind this movie deciding to list everyone, including the fellow that played the taxi driver, because why not.

At the same time, Derek Nelson that plays one of the main characters is not mentioned at all. What happened, did he defecate into everyone’s shoes on the final day of filming?

I also notice a ridiculously long list of associate producers listed in the final credits, and that has my spider sense tingling. Is this some kind of Kickstarter thing, and they ended up listing all their top backers as the associate producers? I hope those people are embarrassed to no end when they witness this abomination of a movie that they have helped inflicted onto the world.

This movie is truly so bad that I don’t know how or where to even start.

Maybe I’ll go with the synopsis first. Michael Kiefer, played by the guy that is nowhere on the cast listing, is an American… something that heads over to some place in England to collect his inheritance, only to realize that the neighborhood folks worship a guy wearing a tacky werewolf head as “Lycanthrope”, which I guess is the name of the thing.

I don’t know, I can’t pay much attention to the story because I am shaken to the core with abject horror at the sheer ineptitude of this movie from start to finish.

The biggest problem here is that director and screenwriter Chris Sanders imagines himself to be a purveyor of horror and comedy, so the opening scene exemplifies the rest of the brain and eye cancer that is this movie: 10 minutes of super slow scene of some fat guy walking slowly to a bunch of sleeping men, slamming the file he is holding hard at the desk and than pausing as if there is supposed to be a laugh track playing there and then but they ran out of money to get one, then the sleeping guys waking up with exaggerated overwrought theatrics, and they all begin talking in some truly stilted and horrible dialogues as if they were reading out loud from a teleprompter for the first time.

Then, these three guys follow fatty to walk slowly to their superior’s office, and then the three men try to squeeze through the door at the same time and get stuck, pausing for the laugh track that never came, and then Vernon Wells starts to yell and rant in an over the top manner that only accentuates how emotionless and terrible the other actors sharing this scene are.

Those are the worst 10-plus minutes wasted on such a clumsily paced, atrociously unfunny scene that flounders when it comes to comic timing and delivery, and the rest of the movie is exactly like this. Lots and lots of terrifying failed comedy delivered by actors in a manner that suggests that perhaps they were all family members and friends and perhaps even random strangers coerced by Mr Sanders to be in this movie or else he will tell everyone he is related to them.

The werewolf is horrible, but it’s the best thing about this colossal tidal diarrhea of awfulness.

Also, Mr Sanders tries hard to show off how smart he is, so this movie is actually a flashback within a flashback, a pointless narrating gimmick unless it’s a deliberate excuse to cram as many awful actors as possible into a single movie, perhaps as some kind of foul rite to conjure Satan onto this world and transform it into hell on earth or something.

I can go on and on about the awful camera work, the artificial lighting, that really, really, really stupid final scene, and more but I don’t think most people will be able to look past the awful “comedy” in the first 15 minutes or so to notice these things—provided, of course, that they haven’t switched off the TV by then in abject terror.

The fact that I am still here to do this review means that this movie isn’t some sinister thing of pure evil like those Knowby Recordings or Sadako’s VHS tape, so that’s probably the sole good thing about this horrific piece of crap and waste of time.

Still, anyone that values their time and self worth should avoid this like a plague, even if they were given the opportunity to watch it for free. Really, don’t do it. This is a thing of sheer incompetence at an unfathomable magnitude that would make even the Elder Gods tremble in terror.