Main cast: Georgie Flores (Eve), Adelaide Kane (Wendy), Paige McGhee (Grace), Jacques Colimon (Craig), Dylan Arnold (Michael), Evan Bittencourt (Peter), and Karlisha Hurley (Annie)
Director: Paul Davis
The first season of Into the Dark had ended, not that they gave anyone a chance to miss the show as it was just a month later when they disgorged the second season on everyone. If you ask me, this only proves my theory right, that Blumhouse Productions made a crap load of bad full-length movies while drunk, high, and horny; they couldn’t move these crap reminders of their shame, until Hulu told them that the streaming service needed anything—anything—to fill its slots. Well, Hulu just had to bend over and part them good, because Blumhouse was going to give it to them good.
So here we are. Uncanny Annie. The first episode of the second season, not that it matters because we just saw the last episode of the previous season just a short while ago.
Remember that horrible phase in human civilization when everyone was making those horrible Ouija-wannabe films? Well, this one is one of those movies, as a bunch of idiots play a board game in which this girl Annie runs the whole thing with blood dripping from her mouth to remind everyone that she’s not like other creepy little girls. The entire movie is green screen realness made life, and probably costs as little as it looks to make. Dylan Arnold valiantly takes off his shirt but to no avail, as come on, I’ve seen much nicer in better and worse movies, so bye.
Half of this thing is spent on soap opera of people I don’t get a crap about because they are all walking clichés anyway without much to make them warrant paying attention to. Then the rest of it is just people running around in front of a green screen or in dark corridors.
I’ve seen variations of the same terrible movie so many times already, and the only thing that makes this stand out from the other horrible B-grade flicks that have the same tired elements is that it looks somewhat more expensive than many of those B-grade flicks. Well, aside from Annie, who looks like they have shoved this poor lady into some cheap Halloween costume meant for someone at least ten years younger and told her to act like she’s trying to hold in her need to run to the toilet every time she speaks.
Why watch Uncanny Annie when there are so many other similarly terrible movies of the same theme out there? Who knows, who cares. It’s not bad enough to be good, or good enough to be bad, it’s just… utterly, inexplicably, hopelessly pointless.
