MLR Press, $0.99
Contemporary Romance, 2018
What’s a guy to do when the one he thought of as his ‘one-and-only’ walks out of his life and into the arms of some rich old dude who had sworn to give him everything I couldn’t. Of course, at that time I would have if I only could, but price tags on Gucci or Versace products have a habit of making me sweat profusely. I still had nightmares about the two thousand dollar tag from last Christmas. The one and only Yule Oliver and I spent together. But one really shouldn’t dwell on the petty things of life …and they didn’t come much pettier, or prettier damn it, than Oliver. Oh, but there I go again, dwelling on the guy whose way of humiliating me had to rank as scuzzier than anything politicians at election time could sling at one another.
Wait, what was that again? My mind wandered off after the sixteenth word in that long, meandering babble.
Alan’s friend thinks that he’s being a wuss and he and some buddies manage to finally drag our hero out to go dancing, because darling, that’s what all gay men do. Dance, being sarcastic, and death drop with tongue pops, YAAAAAS MAWMA. Ten seconds into the dance club, Alan is already being hit on by a hot guy, Matt Hanson, so my side eye to Alan goes increasingly piercing as our hero continues to mope about how his ex has hurt him, and now he’s so uneasy that Matt is so, so rich and then they are a couple and it’s the end.
Wait, what? Didn’t I just start reading This Christmas five minutes ago? The romance escalates from A to Z in what seems like a second and I have no idea how to react when Alan abruptly declares that Matt and he are the most perfect couple ever. I know, it’s only $0.99 and I probably can’t expect more, but the author could have at least thrown me a bone and included a fun, graphic scene of going to town in chocolate brown, or something. Anything would be more interesting than a story of some guy whining his way into a happy ending.