Main cast: Sydney Park (Makani Young), Théodore Pellerin (Oliver Larsson), Asjha Cooper (Alexandra Crisp), Jesse LaTourette (Darby), Diego Josef (Rodrigo Doran), Dale Whibley (Zachariah Sandford), Burkely Duffield (Caleb Greeley), Sarah Dugdale (Katie Koons), Markian Tarasiuk (Jackson Pace), and Zane Clifford (Macon Bewley)
Director: Patrick Brice
There’s Someone Inside Your House is hyped up to be something co-produced by James Wan, so this means it’d likely be horrible considering his recent track record, and it’s on Netflix, which means it’d be something that emphasizes ticking off a “diversity and inclusiveness” checklist than actual quality. Oh, and it’s about teens. What a shocker, this one is basically Scream with incoherent blue check mark rage-filled tweets, passed off as plot and dialogues, included as bonus.
No, really, this thing is Scream in the sense that it tries to be self-aware, but it is completely self unaware as to how full of cringe it come off as. There is nothing original or inventive here. We have another new girl in school, Makani, and a masked killer starts taking out class mates one by one… or so it seems, but the body count in this movie is bewilderingly low.
As other people die, Makani is the most affected, because she is flailing about how people may find out about a traumatic incident in her past and how her cute ex-boyfriend totally wants to bone her again and she him and… hey, who cares about people dying, bitches? It’s all about her, she is the main character so look at her! She has it really bad, because she has issues so everyone better pay attention to her alright.
Even the whole serial killer arc is about her, because in the end, she finally realizes that she has new friends that cater to her every whim, and her boyfriend is hot and totally into her, and oh yeah, some people died and she is of course sad about that but pay attention to her, people, because she is now happy. Now, stand up and clap for her.
Meanwhile, someone that espouses non-progressive talking points contrary to popular progressive screes on social media is killed because she is, without irony, portrayed as a racist that deserves not to live anymore. This movie depicts cancellation to a new level and expects me to clap.
Shocker, a rich white guy is portrayed as a “capitalist” (orange man bad, y’all) and Nazi (because all Republicans are Nazis, y’all). Meanwhile, Hollywood is a bleeding heartland of liberals, and we all know they will never charge people money to watch their products or buy their ludicrously expensive merchandises, of course, and no one is overpaid in that place, never.
When the villain screams at the progressive “good” guys in this movie that these people are all hypocrites, I’d like to imagine that that particular scene is a sneaky middle finger of sorts. However, these days it is hard to tell apart what is irony and what is just stupidity, considering the number of idiots on social media that also happen to be churning out shallow, hypocritical woke nonsense in entertainment these days.
At any rate, I spend far more time cringing at this movie than is healthy for any human being. This movie just takes the Scream formula and turns it into an irony-free woke version, complete with Makani’s friends ticking off every item on the woke checklist. Naturally, these woke and progressive sidekicks have little personality or character aside from their hair and skin colors, because the current concept of woke considers depth and complexity racist or sexist or something.
So yes, no fresh ideas, no scares, no gore, no nudity, nothing aside from dialogues and monologues that look like they were scrapped by an AI program from the most annoying, screechy blue mark tweets and Reddit posts in the woke multiverse rather than actual conversations by real people. There’s Someone Inside Your House is just another example of why “Netflix” is fast becoming a meme for the dumbest kind of woke in town.
