Main cast: Scout Taylor-Compton (Grace Covington), Nolan Gerard Funk (Jack), Kevin Ragsdale (Wade), Deborah Kara Unger (The Master), and Jeff Fahey (Wayne)
Director: Rich Ragsdale
Like most folk horror films aspiring for some semblance of respectability, The Long Night boasts of gorgeous scenery and a soundtrack filled with appropriately moody and haunting tunes.
Grace is not pleased with her boyfriend Jack. When he brought her to meet his family, his snotty upper class parents didn’t bother to hide their dislike of her no-pedigree ass, and she’s mad that Jack didn’t stick up for her at all.
Well, after having visited his parents, they visit hers next. Actually, that’s not quite right. Grace knows that she was born near some Charleston plantation, but she doesn’t know her family history. While Jack may not be a 100% solid boyfriend, he does have money, and it’s very likely that the moolah helps her track down her possible birthplace.
As it is with townies visiting rural corners of creepy America, what they find may not be the pleasant delights they hope for…
Is there a plot to this thing? If there is, I probably miss it because I actually fall asleep twice while watching this thing. It’s really, really boring.
Not much happens for the most part, as it’s all about Jack trying to act tough and Grace basically acting like a helpless screaming rag doll throughout. The whole thing is just a repetitive loop of mundane actions as Jack and Grace try to figure out why cultists in animal skull masks just stand outside the house and don’t do anything else, when Grace is not screaming or convulsing after encountering yet another cheap jump scare.
Deborah Kara Unger’s entire role in this thing is to stand and point like she’s Posh Spice, although she has a monologue in the last 20 minutes or so of the movie to explain what passes for plot that is crammed in that final act. Jeff Fahey shows up and is gone in a blink of an eye, probably needing the money to quickly score some weed or something. Nolan Gerard Funk tries to keep things interesting by wearing a tight shirt at all times, but I’m distracted by how big of a honker he has on his face.
Nothing of interest happens for way too long, and when things finally happen in a rush of monologue—seriously, did they include this part at the last minute because they only remembered then that they needed a plot?—it’s way too late and I don’t really care for anything other than the movie is ending and the tedium is finally going to be over.
The movie feels indeed like the longest night ever to get through, and god helps anyone that has the misfortune to think it is worth a look.
